


absence makes the heart grow fonder

by taes00



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, jensoo, mentions of other kpop idols to fill in gaps, solo!jennie & actress!jisoo, the 16 jensoonators lets make some noise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-09-22 05:22:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17053934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taes00/pseuds/taes00
Summary: Jennie goes on tour and Jisoo realizes how much she misses her (and needs her, but that’s for later).ORhow jisoo and jennie stop being idiots and tell each other their feelings





	1. zero

_o._

 

JENNIE ALMOST FORGETS THE WORDS TO HER LYRICS in the midst of her performance on a music show to promote her new single. She ends up mumbling a word, then rapping the next ones in perfect sync to the music, and she just hopes that it’s a mistake that can easily slip by, something that won’t be a controversy and be on the front page of Naver.

 

She’s stressed now more than ever, with the news of a possible Asia tour on her plate. She’s excited, of course, and it feels almost like a dream that she’s even being given an opportunity to accept the proposition. All she has to do is say yes or no, which is maybe what scares her the most — the power and control she has.

 

After the performance she stays a while in the studio, on her own dressing room, donning a new music show trophy on her hand, waiting for Jisoo to be finished. She’s a guest host for the episode, apparently so because the original host (somebody from a Kpop girl group that Jennie’s never met) caught the flu. And Jisoo almost rejected it, what with the hectic schedule and all, but when she found out about Jennie promoting her single on the same episode, she’s immediately called her manager to tell her that she’s accepting the job.

 

Jennie scrolls through her phone and posts a selfie of her thanking her fans for their support, and of course, her first win. She’s overwhelmed with the comments, feeling thankful and lightly blushing every now and then with the compliments. She’s so focused on liking every comment that she doesn’t even notice that her dressing room door has opened.

 

“Should we order in for later?” A voice interrupts her, and she looks up and finds Jisoo in casual clothing now — some track pants and a shirt Jennie recognizes as one of her own. Jisoo’s using a facial wipe on her face, taking off her makeup.

 

“Unless you’re planning on taking me out to a fancy dinner?” Jennie says, teasing. She puts her phone down on the dresser, taking off her sky high stilettos.

 

Jisoo sits down on one of the beanbags at the corner, sinking into it, and sighs. “I’d love to go to that Michelin-starred restaurant uptown but I’m not feeling like dressing up for it. I have to get a dress, maybe even put up with paparazzi.”

 

Jennie mindlessly goes through the duffel bag she carries everywhere for comfortable closet changes. She takes off her rather tight dress and changes into a sweatshirt and leggings. “So, Thai?” She asks, now dressed and hair up in a ponytail. She knows that washing off the tons of product in her hair tonight is going to be incredibly annoying, but she ignores it and tries to not let it loom over her mood.

 

“I’m in the mood for wings. Oh, and beer! That place we got takeout from in Gangnam was so good.”

 

“You want us to go to Gangnam for wings?” She repeats, eyebrow shooting up.

 

“Yes.” Jisoo says rather determinedly. “I wantto go to Gangnam and get wings.”

 

“What do I get out of it?” Jennie asks while she shoves her dress and stilettos haphazardly onto a bag.

 

“Amazing spicy chicken wings?” The other girl suggests, looking up from her phone. She has her innocent smile on, the one the media loves, but Jennie’s not one to be fooled because if there’s anything Jisoo isn’t, it’s innocent.

 

“That’s not going to cut it, Jisoo.” She rolls her eyes in amusement. But she knows Jisoo and how persistent she is, and she braces herself for next proposition she’s presented with.

 

“How about a footrub?” And Jennie hates how much Jisoo knows her back, how Jisoo knows about Jennie’s liking to footrubs especially when she’s just danced and stood on five inch stilettos for almost three hours.

 

“What makes you think I’ll drive half an hour, maybe more because of traffic, to get you chicken wings in exchange for a footrub?” She asks, a challenging lilt to her voice.

 

Jisoo rolls her eyes this time. “Your loss, Kim. May your toes ache tonight.”

 

“Is this the part where you tell me you have a foot fetish?” Jennie grins on the opportunity to tease her. “Cause if that’s the case I’m not sure if I’d be willing to continue our friendship...”

 

“I hate you.” Jisoo narrows her eyes. “But I love you for now because I still need you to drive me to Gangnam and get the wings.”

 

And they do, despite Jennie’s protests. She ends up driving a good forty-five minutes weaving through the heavy 4 PM traffic, and they end up ordering 20 pieces of chicken wings with some rice and, of course, a six-pack of cheap beer that Jennie secretly likes despite her constantly telling Jisoo that it’s “unhealthy, disgusting and takes away one’s sophisticated palate.”

 

The drive on the way home takes a little longer because of the 6 PM rush hour, but it doesn’t really matter — not with her best friend by her side messily feeding her chicken wings and letting her take sips of beer while singing to their favorite Abba song together.

 

By the time Jennie rests her car on the parking lot just underground their shared condominium unit, Jisoo’s asleep with her hair in disarray and a slop of spicy sauce on her chin. Jennie shakes her head in amusement and takes a napkin from the plastic bag of where the wings were once was, and wipes her best friend’s chin, which effectively wakes her up.

 

Kim Jisoo sleeps like a rock, and the only way she ever wakes up is if somebody touches her face. It’s a tried and tested method, with countless events where Jennie wakes up at early hours in the morning and waking the other girl up too because they have different errands to run.

 

“Wake up, sleepy. We’re home.” Jennie says in a soft tone, waving a napkin in front of Jisoo’s face.

 

“That quick?” She mumbles, blinking slowly.

 

“You’ve been asleep for half an hour, dummy.”

 

“You don’t have the permission to call me dummy. Not after you told me whale sharks are whales and not sharks.” Jisoo brings up their past conversation just a little while ago.

 

“Okay, miss I-took-four-years-of-marine-biology, I think I get it.” Jennie’s retort dies on her lips when she takes a glance on her phone, which currently has 9 missed calls from her manager and 21 following messages. “Holy shit, I’m so fucked.” She mutters, reading everything that’s been sent to her.

 

“Why, what happened?” Jisoo asks.

 

“I forgot I had to meet with Hyunsuk at 6 PM.” She whispers wide-eyed. It’s nothing big, not really, and she can get out easily from trouble because YG secretly adores her, but she still beats herself up for not being professional enough to remember her dinner with her boss. Her boss, damn it.

 

“You’ve forgotten a lot of meetings with him, I’m sure you’re okay, right?” Jisoo asks with concern on her voice.

 

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Jennie nods and unbuckles her seatbelt. “Let’s go.”

 

And true to Jisoo’s word earlier, she does end up giving Jennie a footrub. After Jennie’s hour-long shower, the both of them find their way to the couch with Jennie lying down with her feet on Jisoo’s lap, and with Jisoo massaging them as they watch the latest episode of her drama.

 

“You didn’t tell me Suho was going to be your partner,” Jennie comments after an obnoxiously sweet squeal-earning scene between Jisoo and Jinyoung’s character. “I forgot how fine he was.”

 

Jisoo shrugs, continuing her ministrations on Jennie’s feet. “I forgot, I guess. It doesn’t help that he’s also a bad kisser.” She says, a small smile on her lips.

 

“God, what I would give to hear you say that to him.” Jennie comments. Her head is turned toward the television where an advert of her is playing. It’s something she shot a month back about a fabric softener she doesn’t use because Jisoo insists on using the one they’ve been using since college years. “I look bloated on that commercial don’t you think?”

 

“Are you fishing for compliments from me?” Jisoo says. “Cause I’m not sure I’d be too willing to give them.”

 

“I don’t need to fish compliments, I get enough of them every day.”

 

“Oh yeah, I’m sure your mom sends you plenty.”

 

“I hate you.”

 

“Love you too.”

 

There’s a beat of silence before they laugh out loud and the adverts finally end. They’re back to being engrossed in the drama they’re watching. Jennie usually doesn’t like Korean dramas, claiming most of them are filled with misogynistic undertones (which Jisoo doesn’t deny) and bad chemistry. But she likes watching her best friend onscreen, likes the projects she chooses to support and the directors she chooses to work with. Jisoo’s acting is nothing short of phenomenal, and that’s a quick explanation as to why she’s won over 10 awards in her 5-year career, and even got an invitation to Cannes Film Festival, which she went to with Jennie.

 

A little while later, Jennie wakes up to Jisoo asking her to get up and go to bed. Jennie realizes then that she’s fallen asleep on the couch sometime during the episode. The night ends with Jisoo tucking her into sleep, kissing her forehead.

 

*

 

The next morning, Jisoo is not there. It’s to be expected, of course, the girl runs on a busy schedule and is practically only available twice a week. Jennie should be used to it given how she’s been living with the girl for four years now, but she can’t help but feel like something’s missing as she cooks herself a one-portion breakfast.

 

She takes no time in getting ready for her shoot, not even bothering to put on some light makeup because, duh, that’s the artist’s job and there’s really no point in her putting some on. After showering and dressing up she immediately sprints to the elevator, phone in hand, texting her manager that she’s on the way.

 

The shoot goes on without a hitch, being over in just over two hours and more than a dozen costume changes. Jennie’s tired after it and sighs in relief, thanking her manager when she brings her a can of red bull.

 

“What would I do without you, So?” She says thankfully and sips the energy drink, suddenly feeling ten times better.

 

Her manager, So, just chuckles. “Probably drop dead somewhere between studios. You’d be lost without me.”

 

“True.” Jennie says. “What did Hyunsuk want yesterday, by the way?”

 

“He wanted to tell you about the Asia tour offer.”

 

“Mhm, and?”

 

“He says you’ve only got two weeks more to think about it.”

 

“That quick?”

 

“Jennie, he’s been offering this since Focus. It’s two months now.”

 

Jennie sighs and tries to scramble her brain for decisions but she only comes up with two: either say yes or no. “I don’t want to leave Seoul.”

 

There’s an unspoken why there somewhere, and Jennie knows it’s at the tip of So’s tongue. She doesn’t say it. Instead she nods in understanding (or what Jennie perceives as understanding) and purses her lips.

 

“Two weeks, Jennie. You better have figured out what’s keeping you from this opportunity, because I’m not sure if you’ll get another one.”

 

Jennie thinks of it, really thinks of it, this time. She thinks of leaving the city for two to three months and hopping in and out of private jets and cars and taxis. She thinks of being alone, traveling the biggest continent on Earth where her most loyal fanbases lie. She thinks of nights alone spent on either the plane or a hotel. She thinks of jetlag and headaches, and of Jisoo.

 

Deep inside, Jennie knows just why she doesn’t want to leave. It’s because she’d have to leave Jisoo alone and with nobody to drive her to her favorite fastfood places that don’t offer delivery, or nobody to put up with her stupid jokes that are so bad that Jennie laughs at them just for that sentiment.

 

And she’d tell Jisoo all of this, all of the offers and the implications of what an Asia tour would mean, but Jisoo would tell her to go — force her even, because Jisoo always knows what’s best for her. It gets annoying how right she is.

 

Then Jennie leaves and hops to her next schedule, with So driving her to the studio and being forced into a phone call with Hyunsuk. He says he’s waiting for an answer. Jennie drops the call, then. She needs to tell Jisoo everything tonight.

 

It’s hours later when she reaches home with an exhausted sigh, dropping down to the couch and landing with a heavy thud. The lights are open, which only indicates that Jisoo’s home. Either that or there’s an intruder, but the former equates as more rational in Jennie’s brain. Plus, there’s a soft lull of jazz music playing from the kitchen, and Jennie recognizes it as one of Jisoo’s favorite songs that she can’t quite put her finger on. It’s sung by Linda Ronstadt — Jennie’s sure because living with Kim Jisoo means being exposed to jazz songs and artists and random facts about them like “did you know Peggy Lee fell down the stage once while performing this song and continued singing without a hitch?”

 

Jennie feels the hunger and exhaustion settle in now, her legs feeling heavier as she sinks further into the couch. It smells like good cooking and spices and home and despite her being tired, her legs automatically bring her to the kitchen where Jisoo is swaying along to a new song, stirring the contents of the pan at the same time.

 

“Oh, you’re home! I didn’t hear you come in.” She says, not stopping her stirring. Jennie sits on one of the stools and sets her face flat on the cold counter.

 

“What are you making?” She asks, voice muffled.

 

“I’m making risotto! I’d learned this on our class last Sunday and loved it. We finished our set early and I got home at 6 so I thought I’d make us some. For, you know, payback for driving me to Gangnam.” The song changes — it’s Frank Sinatra’s Fly Me to the Moon. Jennie wants to sing the song to her.

 

She lifts her head up and shoots Jisoo a confused look even though her back is turned to her. “I thought you left that cooking class?”

 

Jisoo looks back now, a drip of sweat evident on the side of her cheek, still not stopping at stirring the rice. “I got bored all of sudden and went back.” She shrugs and turns around once again. “Plus the instructor is super pretty — like, really pretty, that I can’t stop staring at her face even when I’m supposed to be cooking. And I mess up on purpose to have her come to my station.” She sighs. “I wish this place wasn’t so... medieval— I just want to date somebody without being judged for my sexuality, you know?”

 

Jennie stands up on impulse and wraps her arms around Jisoo, making her stop her stirring. She’s not thinking, not really, because if she were she won’t be recklessly back-hugging her crush (the stupid crush she’s had for years, damn it), but there’s nothing more she wants than to hold her close and tell her she understands — she understands the whole ‘not being able to like who you like’ thing and the bullshit instilled homophobia in their society, but she can’t tell that without giving away the fact that she’s irretrievably in-love with her so she just hugs her in silence and tries to rack her brain for responses.

 

“I don’t know, because I’m not in the same situation as you. But I do know that you should be able to explore. You’re an adult. So I say if you really like this girl you should go for it— you’re Kim Jisoo, any girl or boy would be lucky to have you.” She says without a pause. The music’s stopped now and the only thing filling in their silence is the sizzling of the pan.

 

“You really do always know what to say, huh?” Jisoo breathes out, and Jennie releases her from the embrace. “It’s not like I’m gonna ask her out anyway, I wouldn’t know how to.” She turns off the stove and uses a spoon to scoop up some and holds it up for Jennie. “Can you check if it tastes okay?”

 

Jennie tastes the risotto. It tastes of white wine and uni. “Please tell me you didn’t use live sea urchin.” She tries to picture Jisoo trying to take out the edible part inside all those spines and fails.

 

Jisoo fake gags and shudders. “God, I’d be caught dead before I touch one of those. They’re horrendous and horrific. I used artificial flavoring.”

 

And they have a great dinner together, with Jisoo serving Jennie everything from the risotto to water, even pouring her a shot of soju.

 

(“Jisoo I get that you’re trying to be as hostess-y as you can but I visibly have perfectly-functioning limbs and I can pour myself some water. And serve myself my own food.”

 

“I’m trying to be nice! Stop ruining my vibe.”

 

“Vibe?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“And what’s the vibe for tonight?”

 

“A completely obedient loyal housewife.”

 

Jennie chokes at that and reach for water that she downs in a second which makes Jisoo refill her glass.)

 

Jennie completely forgets about the Asia tour, what with her and Jisoo cuddled in her own bed after watching The Lion King.

 

*

 

The week goes by rather slowly, even with Jennie’s hectic schedule promoting her single. She leaves home at 3 AM and goes back at 7 PM. It’s normal for press season, and she should be used to it by now, but somehow this specific week takes a bigger toll on her more than usual. She hates it.

 

The day always ends with Jisoo making them dinner, following recipes online and on days Jennie gets home earlier, she helps her out by chopping the vegetables. It feels horribly domestic and it makes Jennie’s heart warm just thinking about it but the feeling is immediately drowned with cold dread whenever she gets reminded of her impending schedule slash decision. There’s only six days left before she’s expected to give an answer, but time goes by without a hitch and she finds herself with less and less time to tell Jisoo about it.

 

It’s not for the lack of trying. Jennie’s had at least five instances where the words “I think I’m going to leave you for two months by yourself” almost left her lips (not the exact same words but with the same sentiment), but always stopped at the last second because she always finds herself staring at the minuscule scar by her left eyebrow and how she got that scar, and how Jisoo hit her head on the edge of a coffee table while drunk because Jennie had left her alone at the time, and how after that Jennie had promised she won’t leave Jisoo’s side so that she won’t get into any more accidents because of her clumsiness.

 

(“You know what?”

 

“What?”

 

“I’m never gonna leave you alone. You’re far too clumsy to leave by yourself.”

 

“I’m not—“

 

“Jisoo.”

 

“Fine.”

 

“Good.”

 

“Good.”

 

“Jisoo?”

 

“Stick to your promise, Kim, or I’ll finish off your Yakult stash at the back of the fridge.”

 

“How-“

 

“I have my ways.”)

 

“You’re being loud.” Jisoo comments, flicking Jennie on her forehead lightly. Jennie swats her hand away in slight annoyance, narrowing her eyes at her best friend.

 

“I’m not even talking!” She defends, eyes fixated on the television where Anne Hathaway is getting a makeover as she keeps on pushing her pen, clicking loudly, and back again.

 

“Still, loud.” Jisoo says and steals the pen away. Jennie doesn’t even try to get it back and just slumps on the fort they’ve made against the sofa, complete with blankets and pillows and snacks by the corner. “Why, what’s up?”

 

“Nothing.” Jennie mumbles. Anne’s character onscreen is crying. She feels like crying too.

 

“Jennie.”

 

“What?”

 

“I’ve known you for six years. I know that nothing means something’s up. So, spill.”

 

Jennie sighs. She hates being transparent.

 

Jisoo somehow senses how tense the girl is and reaches for the two still hot mugs of hot chocolate on the coffee table and thrusts one mug to Jennie which she reluctantly wraps her hand around on. She sips slightly before dropping her left hand on the blanket, fidgeting with the soft fabric. She stares at the stain at the corner, memories of Jisoo spilling ketchup on it and not cleaning it until two weeks later and her complaining about how it’s impossible to get the stain out.

 

“I have to leave.” She lets out, clearly reluctant to give more details but Jisoo is anything but gentle, so she pushes more.

 

“Leave for what?” She asks. “When? Why?”

 

Jennie doesn’t miss the look on Jisoo’s face as she sets down the mug back down on the table. It doesn’t give away sadness or disappointment or anything within that spectrum of emotion, but it’s not happy either. It’s far too ambiguous for Jennie to put a finger on it.

 

“I have to go to an Asia tour. I’ll be gone for two months — maybe even less at my request. I’ll be home as soon as I can, I’ll even try to come home at times—“

 

“Jennie.”

 

Jennie stops her rambling at Jisoo’s tone.

 

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” A smile slips through her lips, followed by a light chuckle. “You know you could’ve told me way earlier, right? I wouldn’t be mad at all. It’s your job, you clearly wanna do it, I won’t be in the way.”

 

Jennie lets out a breath she doesn’t know she’s holding. It’s ridiculous how she’s even thought that Jisoo would resent her for leaving even though all she’s done is be supportive of her best friend’s career and all the decisions she’s made. Jennie’s being ridiculous is all, of course Jisoo would be nothing but encouraging.

 

“I thought you’d be... I don’t know, mad?”

 

“Why would you think that?” She asks in a non-accusing voice. It’s laced with pure curiosity and nothing more.

 

Jennie stares at her, shakes her head and ducks. “It’s ridiculous, honestly. It’s nothing.”

 

“Come on, Jennie, tell me.”

 

“I knew you’d be so... supportive and so for it— you’d be my first cheerleader like you’ve always been. You’re so good to me and honestly I always feel like I don’t deserve you. And now I’m leaving you by yourself for eight weeks, and not that I don’t think you don’t have any friends, but I know you’ll probably stay at home and sulk and just watch television until I get home and I don’t want you to do that. I just... I don’t want to leave you alone. I can’t leave you alone.” She says. There’s an unshed tear somewhere there, and she tries her hardest to not let it drop as she stares at the stain on the blanket. “I’m a shitty friend.”

 

“Jennie.”

 

“What?” She lets out, voice slightly shaky.

 

“You’re right.” Cold grips her throat at the insinuation— she’s a shitty best friend. She knows that of course, but hearing Jisoo say it is like a pin pricking straight to her heart. “That is ridiculous.”

 

She lets out a watery laugh, punching Jisoo lightly on her shoulder. “You prick. I thought you’d meant I was a shitty best friend. I was about to leave!”

 

Jisoo’s chuckling, smile not quite reaching her eyes as she fumbles with the edge of the blanket. “It’ll just be for two months, right?”

 

She needs reassurance. Jennie feels warm inside.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Promise you’ll facetime me everyday?”

 

“I promise.”

 

“Pinky swear?” Jisoo holds out her pinky. It’s an immature gesture but Jennie finds herself linking her pinky to Jisoo’s, honoring her promise.

 

“I’ll be back in two months.”

 

“You better be.”

 

“I don’t even have a definite date yet. I might be starting next year.”

 

“You better be here on my 27th or I’ll strangle you.”

 

“I’ll strangle myself first.”

 

“Good.”

 

And then they hug.

 

The next morning, Jisoo whines at a new hot chocolate stain at the blanket. Jennie laughs and helps her find the color-safe bleach.


	2. i.

_i_.

 

Jisoo hates making coffee.

 

She knows how to make it; the coffee maker is easy enough to navigate and she’s not illiterate because she’s finished a bachelor’s degree on a rather difficult course but. But. She doesn’t know how to get the perfect mix.

 

The perfect mix being the one that Jennie had made for her during the years of her finishing said bachelor’s degree on 3 AMs they’d spent together trying to get by finals and thesis papers. Since college, Jennie had been making her her morning coffees, even her late night coffees.

 

And sure, Jisoo can easily drop by the nearest Starbucks which is merely a stroll from their flat but she’s not all for giving into the consumption of a company who capitalizes on way-too-priced coffee when she can make her own on the comfort of her home.

 

So here she is, wincing at her too-sweet coffee that she’s almost tempted to throw out if it weren’t for the fact that she’s running late. She downs the coffee in one go, the hot liquid prickling at her tongue that gets slightly burnt and makes a mental note to not put two tablespoons of sugar on a cup of coffee.

 

She leaves almost immediately after brushing her teeth, not even bothering to put on makeup before she goes to the lobby where her staff is waiting for her: the makeup artist, her manager, and her manager’s assistant.

 

It’s not even an hour to the day yet and she can already feel herself getting more and more into a bad mood.

 

Fuck the horrible morning coffee she’d had.

 

She’s on the van on the way to the shoot, her makeup artist doing the slightest motions on her face doing her best not to mess up because of the moving vehicle, when she texts Jennie.

 

KIM JISOO, 06.46: How many tablespoons of cream and sugar was I supposed to put on my coffee? I forgot to ask :(. Reply when you get this! I miss you already...

 

Jennie had just left yesterday morning and Jisoo tries not to miss her, not to feel sentimental and gross, but every minute without the other girl leaves sort of a hole in her heart. Jisoo thinks it’s normal— of course it is. She’s been living with the girl for almost half a decade (if they take out college dorms in the equation), they’ve been fairly codependent for a while now and it just... makes sense that Jisoo misses her. A lot. More than a lot, but still.

 

The text back doesn’t come. Not by the time she’s reached the set, not by when she sneaks off to check her phone during wardrobe change, and definitely not when she gets home after shooting all those scenes that are enough for the next two episodes showing in the next two weeks.

 

It’s pathetic how she checks her phone every five minutes just to look if Jennie’s texted back and her heart sinks every time she finds that there’s nothing there apart from a notification from Netflix that her next pay is due.

 

So she tries not to check on the phone as she busies herself making dinner. She’s making tempura and ends up making more than a single serving, forgetting momentarily that Jennie isn’t coming at 8 PM after a long session at the studio. She almost takes out two plates too. She ends up giving the excess away to her neighbor who happily takes it, clearly surprised and starstruck at the fact that Kim Jisoo is giving her a plate of freshly fried tempura that looks too amazing to be home-made.

 

She eats alone, jazz music in the background and she ends up drinking a glass more of white wine than she usually drinks.

 

It’s late enough in the evening after she’d taken care of the plates and the used pans when her phone pings. Jisoo opens it a little too enthusiastically, even running fast to get it from the other side of the room, and grins when she finds that it is a text message from Jennie.

 

JENNIE KIM, 22.34: I’m so sorry I’ve only just seen your texts :(! We’ve been practicing in the arena I’m performing on tomorrow. If you’re still awake, call me.

 

Jisoo purses her lips and waits for six minutes, even opening a mobile game to pass the time, calling Jennie at exactly 10:40 PM. Jennie picks up quickly, not even letting it ring once before Jisoo’s greeted with a gummy smile and a way-too-excited “Hello!”

 

Jisoo smiles back. “Hi loser.”

 

“I leave for two days and you call me a loser? That’s mean.” Jennie pouts. Her image is blurred, the internet connection where she is must be shit, but that doesn’t mean Jisoo can’t see and recognize the shirt she’s wearing. It’s hers, and it seems that Jennie’s stolen it away for a little trip overseas.

 

“How are you? Is Tokyo treating you well?” Jisoo wants to ask other things. Other things like if she misses her, or if she’s doing well without her — those kind of things, but she keeps her mouth shut after saying the two most neutral questions she can think of.

 

“I don’t know how it’s possible, but it’s somehow colder in here than Seoul. I had to layer two socks for my feet to not freeze. And I had to get three extra coats in case it drops to zero, which the weather guy told us is a big possibility. Also. I met Hyuna! I saw her at the hotel I’m staying in and apparently she’s on vacation or something and I just tried to do my best to not seem creepy and act like I didn’t know everything about her. She’s so beautiful I almost dropped down on my knees to marry her— hey, are you okay?”

 

Jisoo snaps out of her trance when Jennie snaps her finger, her face still blurred on the screen. Jisoo nods absentmindedly. “Just really tired from the set. I was awake from since 4 AM and you know how we had to shoot in the middle of nowhere.”

 

“Oh yeah.” Jennie says sympathetically. “How’d that go?”

 

“Boring. I had to be on standby for two hours.”

 

“I can imagine how whiny you’d been.”

 

The comment catches Jisoo off guard and it immediately activates her defensive mode. “Whiny?”

 

“Yes, whiny.” The other girl repeats slowly, amusement in her tone.

 

“I don’t whine.” Jisoo says with finality.

 

“Oh, like that time you didn’t whine when I got almond milk instead of rice milk?” She asks. “Or that time you didn’t whine when your favorite pair of Choos finally broke off?”

 

“I was complaining about the rice milk situation— not whining.” Jisoo tries to defend. She’s not sure if it’s worked because somehow Jennie’s smug face becomes even more smug by tenfold. “There’s a difference.”

 

“Sure there is.”

 

“Yes! I needed rice milk for the dough, Buzzfeed Tasty clearly indicated that on the ingredients list. I couldn’t have used another type of milk.”

 

“And the Choos?”

 

Jisoo stops. “They’re Jimmy Choos, Jennie, of course I’d whine about—“ And, shit. Jisoo’s been friends with Jennie for so long that Jennie’s had her memorized like the back of her hand. She doesn’t know if it’s a good thing or bad thing but the way Jennie’s smirking on the screen makes Jisoo wanna flick it off her face.

 

“So you do admit you whine.”

 

“I whine on several occasions.” Jisoo points out. “And I don’t understand how you get to insult me today of all days when you clearly have to make it up to me.”

 

The screen immediately cuts off to an image of a couch, Jennie clearly switching the camera view to the back camera, and the view moves towards a bed with two paper bags on it. “And that’s where I’m ahead of you. I knew you’d be pissed because I broke our promise, so I got you those Pokemon cards you’ve always wanted. So’s gonna catch a quick flight to Seoul tomorrow morning for her niece’s birthday and she’ll be back before my second concert night here, so I figured she can deliver these to you.”

 

Jisoo gapes, eyes widening at the now clear packaging. “You got the limited edition ones.”

 

“That I did.” The screen cuts back to Jennie’s face and Jisoo pouts.

 

“I want to see the cards! Switch back, I’m sick of staring at your face.”

 

“Unless you want the cards to not reach Seoul, I suggest you put up with my face.”

 

Jisoo purses her lips. “Fine.”

 

“I did have a really hard time finding those, though. My Japanese is rusty and So had to translate everything to the vendor so I could find exactly what I was looking for.”

 

“I love you.” She says, almost quietly but it’s clear that Jennie hears her and her smile onscreen widens.

 

“Are you going all soft and sentimental on me? Where’s the real Jisoo? Are you her secret twin?”

 

“You ass.” Jisoo rolls her eyes. “I’m finally being nice to you and you don’t believe it.”

 

“Oh, I don’t believe it cause I didn’t hear it clearly.” She says, disappearing from the screen for a while and coming back quickly. “Sorry about that- I had to adjust the temp. Where was I again? Oh yeah. You need to say it louder.”

 

Jisoo narrows her eyes then, hoping Jennie’s bad internet can catch the small movement. “Over my dead body.”

 

“I guess you’re not getting these cards—“

 

“Fine. I love you.” Jisoo feels her hand shake and she doesn’t know why. The words barely register in her brain as she says it. They’ve exchanged the words so many times but she doesn’t know why she’s so nervous now, why her hands are immediately cold and why her fingers itch to press the end call button on the side of the screen.

 

Jennie smiles from the screen. “I love you too.” There’s a pregnant pause before she sighs. “I miss you.”

 

“I miss you too.” She admits. She’s sure Jennie knows, but she just wants to say the words.

 

“Leg 1 is halfway through though. Three more days here and I’ll move on over to Osaka. Then Shanghai. Hongkong. Taiwan. Jakarta. All over Asia. Before you know it I’ll be back home.” Jennie smiles. Jisoo feels the overwhelming urge to hug her but she can’t— it’s physically impossible as Jennie’s thousands of kilometers away. She wishes she’s one of the characters she’s played last year, a teleporting vigilante and how she wishes she can do that too, warp space time so she can be beside Jennie and tickle her to get back for getting her to admit she’s whiny.

 

“We’re not even a week in and we’re getting so... gross.” Jisoo lets out a watery laugh. “I wish I could be there.”

 

“You could.”

 

“I can’t.”

 

“Yes, you can! I’ll get somebody to arrange a room. You can watch me perform from backstage. Maybe even cook me a cheeky congratulations meal.” Jennie offers, perking up.

 

“Don’t encourage me.”

 

“I’m not joking. I can arrange everything for you. You’ll just have to travel and that’s it.”

 

“I’m on a tight schedule.”

 

Jennie visibly blanches. “Oh. I forgot about that.”

 

“I guess we’ll have to wait it out.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Good luck on your show tomorrow. I’ll be checking up on twitter. I’m sure somebody will illegally record it and stream online.”

 

“Thanks. Look, I have to go because So’s looking at me like I did something wrong, but I’ll call you tomorrow, okay? Love you, bye.” The screen ends with Jennie blowing a kiss and Jisoo dejectedly puts her phone down on the table.

 

*

 

“ _Okay_ , now hand me the eggs.” Jisoo says, hand mixer still in hand, turned off and she holds her hand out to Jennie who gives her two whole eggs. She cracks the eggs into the bowl and turns on the mixer.

 

”Those are baby chickens.”

 

“Which you also eat every breakfast, Jennie. You can’t tell me you’re feeling guilty.” Jisoo says and wipes her other rather sticky unoccupied hand on the towel. “Rice milk. 250 ml.”

 

“Oh yeah, I didn’t get rice milk. I got almond milk because the store ran out. I asked the lady on aisle and apparently this was all they had. It was this or whole milk.” Jennie shows her the carton and opens it, measuring out 250 ml on the cup. “Which begs the question— how do they milk almonds?”

 

“Hold on, no rice milk?” Jisoo stops the mixer and drops it down on the counter. “Jennie, I can’t use almond milk.”

 

“We have regular milk in the fridge? I don’t get why you’re using vegan milk, you literally used eggs and defeated the purpose two steps in.” Jennie offers, already on her way to the refrigerator.

 

Jisoo sighs. “It’s not about that. The recipe clearly said rice milk. How am I supposed to finish this now?”

 

“Just do what it says and replace the rice milk with almond — it doesn’t matter anyway, they both taste like nothing.”

 

Jisoo pouts and holds the almond milk filled measuring cup up. “You should’ve gone to another store.”

 

“And risk being mobbed?” Jennie chuckles. “Baby, I love you and I’d do anything for you except for that.”

 

“Fine, but if this cake tastes bad I’d have you eat it all.” She says, putting the contents of the cup into the bowl and turning the mixer on again.

 

“Everything you make always tastes good. I trust in your cooking abilities.”

 

Jisoo tries not to drop the mixer when she the words finally register in her brain, Baby, I love you and I’d do anything for you and she realizes Jennie’s never called her baby before. It’s a way too... cheesy pet name and Jisoo almost comments on it but decides against it when her brain betrays her and realizes she likes it, the way the word rolls of her best friend’s lips.

 

At the end of the day, Jennie ends up eating the cake in a day because apparently it’s way too good to let anybody it eat besides her and Jisoo’s heart warms when Jennie gives her an icing mustache and she chases her off throughout the house.

 

*

 

The next day, Jisoo comes home to two paper bags sat on the couch. It’s the same paper bags Jennie showed her when they had that video call. There’s a card stuck to one of the bags and she drops her coat on the coffee table, wincing when she realizes that her phone is still on the pocket of the coat and she basically just threw it away but whatever, she can get a new one later. She’s curious and eager so she reaches for the card, rips it off and reads it.

 

Jisoo

 

I know I can text this but I wanted to do it the traditional way. Here’s the makeup present. I know I said I’ll call you everyday but it’s an impossible feat so I guess I’ll just have to make it up to you. I’m sorry for the missed calls in advance.

 

Also, don’t worry, I gave So a spare key to our house. Don’t be creeped out if she put this inside.

 

See you soon! I’ll send tons of pictures.

 

P.S.: I miss your cooking.

 

She smiles and takes the card to her room and puts it in between her planner, rereading it once again before she looks around her room and stops at the picture of her and Jennie in the corner, framed and put up at the wall. She remembers it clearly: her, graduating, but not with Jennie. Jennie’d quit college literally months before she was due for graduation because she signed YG, and Jisoo tried to tell her to put it off but Jennie didn’t want to go through another semester again. Jisoo’s wearing those graduation gowns that Jennie found “horrible and out of fashion” in the picture while Jennie got to wear something casual.

 

She shakes her head and stops reminiscing, immediately going to the kitchen to make herself dinner. Alone.

 

It’s a simple salad, something a third-grader can assemble, but that doesn’t mean Jisoo doesn’t moan in satisfaction at finally eating after the whole day, only having an apple for lunch and waters of bottle don’t help much in putting her starvation off bay.

 

Her salad plate still in hand, she heads to the living room where she’d dropped off her coat and reaches for her phone inside its pocket, almost automatically pressing Jennie’s contact. She sits down on the couch, putting her plate on the table as she settles for a short, quick text.

 

KIM JISOO, 21.32: Received the I’m-sorry gift. I love it. Tell So thank you and good luck on your show tonight. Idk about timezones so I’m not sure if it’s still ongoing or if it’s done or if it’s just about to start. I’m heading to bed. Good night.

 

Okay, maybe it’s not as short as she’d wanted the text to be, but she has a lot to say and that’s feeble in comparison.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it’s shorter than i would’ve like but... oh well


	3. ii.

ii.

 

FEBRUARY. LAST YEAR.

 

Jennie can explain why she kisses her best friend. Not that she needs to, anyway, it isn’t like anybody’s seen it— apart from Kim Jisoo, who’s currently laying down on their couch, clearly still wasted and not even realizing the events that have unfolded in the past sixty minutes.

 

Anyway, going back to the point: Jennie can

explain why she kisses Kim Jisoo. She’s not an idiot. She can explain because it‘s not like she meant for it to happen. It just did. And now she’s in their home trying to take the events of the night off her brain, trying to delete her cache storage and throw it into the recycle bin — but the brain is tricky like that, and you yourself can’t pick the events you get to keep and the ones you get to forget.

 

In her defense, the kiss wasn’t at all something she wanted to do (something she didn’t protest against either). But picture this: you’re slightly buzzed, not drunk but getting there, in company of a very beautiful girl who just so happens to be the girl you’ve been having a small crush on for years. And she’s so enchanting and hypnotic that even if she smells like the floor of a distillery and secondhand smoke, you can’t help but be drawn to her. That even if she’s wearing the most ridiculous disguise just to get people to not notice her (the Actress of her Generation, her) drinking the night out at dive bars, she’s so gorgeous and enigmatic in the dim lighting. Of course you have to kiss back if she kisses you. For reference:

 

“I’m so drunk.” Jisoo giggles, leaning towards Jennie and hiding her face on the girl’s neck. She’s still holding the bottle of vodka she got approximately an hour ago, but with much less content. It’s halfway finished. Jennie chuckles and takes the bottle from her, setting it down on the bar beside them.

 

“Okay, I think that’s enough.” Jennie comments as she puts the bottle as far away from them as possible without moving Jisoo from her position, nuzzled against her neck. “You’re going to be so whiny tomorrow about having a hangover.”

 

“Hangover... No.” She groans. Jennie can feel the other girl’s breath on her neck and she thinks the bar owner has set the temperature up by at least five degrees hotter. “I don’t like that.”

 

“You shouldn’t have drank this much then.”

 

“I needed it.” Jisoo says, looking up. “I’m so stressed, Jennie. I love my work and I love working and I love the people but it’s just been so... hard.”

 

Jennie nods. Jisoo shuffles closer, wrapping her arms around the other girl, still seated on her stool. Jennie wants to put the other girl’s hood down so she can see her face, but that risks her identity and the possibility of a good ending to the night, so she doesn’t. “Keep talking.” Jennie says softly.

 

“I don’t know if I still want this life.”

 

“Life of what? Fame and glamour?”

 

“Those are the words. Yes.” She slurs, not letting go of the embrace. “I want to keep working but the cameras get so exhausting. I just want to go to unsanitary dive bars with you and not put up a disguise so we won’t be on the front page of naver. I want—“ She stops.

 

“What do you want?” Jennie asks against her hair softly, trying to get an answer out of her. It’s impossible, because Kim Jisoo is basically encrypted, but a drunk Kim Jisoo is difficult rather than impossible. Jennie’s thoughts get interrupted at the smell of the girl’s vanilla scented shampoo. She needs to ask her about it when she’s sober so she can get one for herself.

 

“Guess.” She says, letting go of Jennie and reaching for the bottle of vodka and downing a gulp. She visibly winces and Jennie feels for her, she really does.

 

“I don’t know, a dog?” Jennie fills in, making guesses up in her head.

 

“I do want a dog. But it’s not what I want-want.” Jisoo giggles. “Do a better job, Jennie. You know what I want.”

 

Jennie rolls her eyes. “A unicorn plushie.”

 

“Good guess, but it isn’t it... I do want a unicorn plushie. Get me one on my next birthday.” She pouts exaggeratedly. Jennie can’t say no to that. She never can.

 

“You want me to take you to an aquarium.”

 

Jisoo shakes her head no.

 

“At least give me a hint.”

 

“It’s a who, not a what.” She says and moves impossibly closer in a split second. Jennie can feel her heart beat exponentially faster just because of the close proximity of Jisoo’s face, her breath hitting her face. She smells of alcohol and Jennie wants to comment on how gross it is but it’s not exactly the most earth-shattering thing on this moment right now. What’s happening is that Kim Jisoo is leaning in closer and closer until she kisses the corner of Jennie’s lips, missing her clear destination. And then she pulls back and laughs.

 

Jennie laughs too.

 

“I left my glasses at home. I’m sorry.” She says, still giggling. “And! I left my contacts at set today. I’m blind.”

 

“Yes, you are.” Jennie’s voice wavers and tries not to think about the almost-kiss. Her judgment is so clouded by everything — the fucking romantic vintage vibe the bar has got going on, with the jukebox playing Bette Davis Eyes in the corner, the slight buzz on her fingertips when she grips her cold glass filled with ice and whatever’s left of her third glass of vodka and coke light concoction. “I love this song.”

 

“I don’t know what it is... it’s in English.” She whispers the last part and giggles. Jennie doesn’t know what’s so funny but she laughs with her anyway.

 

“It’s about a girl.”

 

“Mhm.”

 

“A bit like you actually.”

 

“How?”

 

Jennie hums. “Well. The girl being talked about in the song loves to tease... knows how to make someone blush... has Bette Davis eyes. I don’t know who that is but I’m sure she’s pretty.”

 

“And this girl...” Jisoo pauses. “Is like me?”

 

She nods.

 

“Remind me to download it when we get home.”

 

“I’m sure you wont even remember you heard this song anyw—“

 

And Jisoo’s failed conquest just minutes ago becomes successful now, her impaired vision seemingly fixed all of a sudden, because this time she doesn’t miss her mark. No, she doesn’t, and Jennie’s full-aware of that now Jisoo’s having a rather heated kiss with her. Her brain malfunctions and her nerves short circuit at how unexpectedly good at this Jisoo is (those countless onscreen kisses must’ve served as free classes). The thought is fleetingly entertained in Jennie’s brain before she forgets all about it and Jisoo takes the kiss further by swiping her tongue on Jennie’s lower lip. It takes Jennie about yay seconds to realize that this is wrong — Jisoo’s clearly drunk and she’s getting there herself, and Jisoo won’t remember any of this tomorrow, and that shes making a horrible mistake.

 

It’s a mistake. She doesn’t make sloppy mistakes. So she pulls away.

 

“It’s- uh— it’s getting late. We should get home.” Jennie says, trying to catch her breath. She tries to catch a glimpse of what Jisoo’s expression looks like, but her hood hides away most of her face especially with the shadows and the lighting. Jisoo ends up singing what sounds like a very... drunk rendition of Bette Davis Eyes on the way to Jennie’s car.

 

There it is. Jennie’s explanation as to why she kisses her best friend and risks the foundation of years of friendship and flushes it down the drain. It’s not much but it’s not like she can understand the situation much either. Her brain goes around in circles, trying to ignore what happened and in doing that, she ends up recalling more of how the kiss had felt and how it felt right and how she wanted more. Wants more.

 

But she can’t have more, clearly.

 

Her best friend is drunk and just kissed her and she basically took advantage of it.

 

She feels guilty.

 

She sighs and takes off Jisoo’s boots off the girl’s feet, setting them down on the living room before assisting her to her bed. Jisoo’s still awake and stumbling and humming the stupid song. Jennie lays her down on her side. “Don’t sleep facing up, okay?” She says, handing Jisoo her favorite pillow to cuddle.

 

“Okay.” She mumbles, voice slightly muffled by the scarf around her neck. Jennie reaches out and takes it off.

 

“Might asphyxiate on it.” She’s halfway out the room before she hears Jisoo let out a request that she’s not sure she can reject.

 

“Stay.”

 

She closes her eyes and sighs, stopping right where she is. “I can’t, Jisoo.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“It isn’t right.”

 

“Why?”

 

“It just isn’t, okay? Now go to sleep.”

 

When Jennie wakes up in her own bed, Jisoo’s on the side of her bed with squinting eyes and disarrayed hair, still in her clothes from last night. She’s kneeling by her side and nudging her awake. “Wake up, I need coffee.”

 

Jennie groans and pretends to be asleep. “Make your own damn coffee. My head hurts.”

 

“Which is why you need to make us coffee.” Jisoo climbs into the bed, basically burying Jennie under all 5’3 of her. Jennie groans under her, trying to push the other girl off of her but Jisoo doesn’t budge.

 

“Jisoo! Get off of me!”

 

“Make me coffee. Please.”

 

Jennie wants to push her hard enough so she ends up falling off the bed, but she’s not that cruel and she’s not sure if she even has the upper body strength it would require, so she groans before reluctantly saying what sounds like an “Okay.”

 

“But can we stay here for five minutes more, you feel nice.” Jisoo mumbles against the sheet around Jennie and Jennie almost says yes until she remembers that she’s five seconds away from suffocating.

 

“No.” She says before getting up and effectively pushing the older girl off of her. “You’re so heavy.”

 

Jennie goes to her bathroom and refreshes her face with freezing cold water from the faucet and immediately heads off to the kitchen. Jisoo’s seated on one of the stools on the breakfast bar, rubbing on her temples. It’s dark and there’s not much light in the kitchen apart from the sunlight outside, so Jennie reaches for the switches and Jisoo visibly flinches at the sudden change of luminescence.

 

“Turn it off.” She grumbles.

 

Jennie clicks her tongue. “No.”

 

“ _Jennie_.”

 

“You’re ordering me to make you coffee, now I’m ordering you to shut up.” She says and hands Jisoo two advils she managed to reach from the cupboard where they keep all their medicinal kit on. She works on the coffee, the events of last night still replaying over and over again but she tries to repress them and act as normal as she can. It’s clear Jisoo remembers none. Or maybe she does and she’s also pretending.

 

“You’re so grumpy.” Jisoo comments. “And you aren’t the one with a hangover.”

 

“Because I wasn’t the one who drank the whole stock of the brewery.” Jennie points out and flicks Jisoo’s forehead lightly. Jisoo swats her hand away.

 

“Ow! What was that for?”

 

“For telling me I’m grumpy.”

 

Jisoo scoffs and drops her head down to the counter, making it an effective pillow. “You’re acting like I stole your toy on the playground.”

 

“Nice analogy.”

 

“It’s the hangover, okay. My head hurts and I’m so thirsty despite me drinking three glasses of water already. And I’m hungry and I want to eat waffles.” She mumbles against the marble counter. “You always did make better waffles than me.”

 

“That’s really a good observation. I wonder why your cooking skills didn’t translate to the breakfast menu.” Jennie says before the coffee maker pings and she pours herself and Jisoo a cup each. She puts just the right amount of sugar and cream Jisoo likes and puts it down in front of her. “Here’s your drink, madame.” She tips an imaginary hat.

 

“Thanks.” She mutters and sips. “What happened last night?”

 

Jennie stiffens and grips her mug’s handle tighter. She’s expected this, of course. She didn’t actually think that Jisoo would remember anything from last night, because from experience the minute she gets her hands on a bottle of alcohol all events on forward will be things she won’t have any recollection of. But there’s that nagging and betraying thought and hope somewhere in the back of Jennie’s brain that thinks maybe she remembers it, maybe their first kiss means something and that maybe Jennie has a chance on taking their friendship further, but clearly that thought is nothing but that— hope. It’s a disservice to herself.

 

“Nothing.” She says. “You were singing an 80s song all night long and you flirted with a married man.”

 

Jisoo asks all about the song and the married man and suddenly Jennie’s okay again, they’re okay again.

 

*

 

FEBRUARY. NOW.

 

It’s the finale episode for Jisoo’s television drama.

 

And like with everything that goes on in Korean show business, of course it has to be with a party, a glass of champagne or two — and don’t forget the cameras. The entertainment company is throwing a big party and has invited every body, of course. The drama has broken the 30% viewer ratings ceiling for every episode, and it seems that the finale has done even better.

 

There’s people Jisoo knows and there’s people she’s not sure if she knows and then there’s the people she has no idea even exists. It’s one of those nights where she runs on autopilot, like she’s not even there. It’s normal.

 

There’s been too many people telling her congratulations for the six month success and run of the show, too many greedy developers telling her to read their script, too many camera flashes that are enough that she’s now having a headache. She sits in a corner when she’s had enough, nursing a glass of champagne. It’s a quiet moment just between her and the glass when she tries to ignore the chatter of guests in the background, or at least it is until she’s nudged on her shoulder.

 

“Why are you sitting in a corner like a loser?” Somebody says, sitting beside her. She doesn’t need to look at her side to know who it is talking. In fact she doesn’t even need to talk at all. Jisoo can be both blind and deaf but she’d recognize the girl anywhere. “This isn’t exactly my type of crowd but considering this party is basically for you, I think you should try to be more accommodating, don’t you think?”

 

Jisoo purses her lips to try and hide her amusement at the other girl. She’s shocked, of course, seeing as Jennie’s here — really here, by her side, and she can touch her and she’s not an image on the screen or a videocall or a livestream she missed. She tries to think of a smart answer. “But the difference is that I didn’t throw the party— they threw the party for me. I owe them nothing, you know.”

 

“Of course. That’s fair.”

 

“I didn’t know you were coming back to Seoul. Did singing all over the continent get too boring for you?” Jisoo quips, finishing her glass halfway. “I didn’t even see you on the invitation list.”

 

“I’m taking a four-day break. I guess the stress finally caught up to me. Oh, and Chaeyoung brought me as a plus one, seeing as she’s invited because she’s scoring your upcoming movie.” Jennie says before finishing her drink and calling for a busboy and ordering for two glasses.

 

“Who’s the other one for?” Jisoo asks.

 

“You. You look like you need it.”

 

“I do not.”

 

Jennie laughs. “Come on, Jisoo. You’re going to be jobless starting tomorrow. I’m going to bet you don’t do much to keep yourself entertained.”

 

The waiter comes back shortly and Jisoo grabs her newly filled glass. “You make it sound like I’ll be unemployed. I’ll just have a clear schedule. There’s a difference.”

 

The singer hums and sits up. “Yes, I’m sure you’re still receiving those fat checks whether or not you’re working.” She holds out her hand. “Dance with me?”

 

Jisoo raises her eyebrow. “Why would I wanna do that?”

 

“Trust me, you’ll thank me later.” She winks and Jisoo finds herself putting down the glass of champagne on the table beside them, grabbing the girl’s hand and letting herself be led in the rather packed dance floor. Jennie’s wearing a suit — maroon, with matching pants and heels. It’s something she’s never worn before, because if she had, Jisoo’s sure she would have remembered.

 

A familiar song is playing. She doesn’t know what it’s called but she doesn’t care enough to ask what it is. Not when she hasn’t seen her best friend in a month and she’s here now, dancing with her to a cheesy song from the 80s.

 

“I missed you.” She whispers, quiet but loud enough that Jennie hears it and smiles as a response.

 

“Why do you think I grabbed a plane ticket?” Jennie twirls her around, just in time for the beat. Jisoo makes a mental note to thank her stylist for not giving her too-tall heels because she’s sure she’d fall. “Congratulations, by the way.”

 

She’s heard ’congratulations’ so many times in the evening but this is the first time she feels herself really taking the word in. Really smiles in response. “Thank you. But— do you even know what you’re congratulating me for?”

 

“I think the banners give away a lot.” Jennie stage whispers. They continue to swing to the music, synth and all, until it stops and they stop too.

 

“That was fun.” Jisoo comments as they go back to their seats. “But really, Jennie, what are you doing here?”

 

She shrugs. “I told you, Jisoo. I’m on a well-earned break and the crew really needed one as well. So I came back.”

 

“Yes, but you could’ve been having the time of your life right now in...”

 

“Bangkok.” Jennie supplies.

 

“Bangkok.”

 

“You aren’t there.”

 

Jisoo mock gasps and hits her lightly on her shoulder. “You sap.”

 

“Don’t be flattered, I missed your soufflés the most.”

 

“If you’re going to continue being mean you’ll have to sleep in the living room and not have soufflés.” Jisoo warns and the other girl shakes her head.

 

“You can’t resist me.”

 

“I absolutely can.”

 

“Hmm.”

 

“Yes, Jennie?”

 

“Fine, I’ll be nice.”

 

They end up getting out of the party earlier than Jisoo had planned, and not to her manager’s liking of course. But seeing as Jennie’s leaving with her, he says he supposes it’ll make for some great press.

 

And it does end up as great press. When Jisoo opens her phone and checks SNS, she’s immediately redirected to a link to an article talking about her and her Bestie Kpop Star Jennie. She rolls her eyes at another article saying she has a mystery man.

 

“Hey, I told you not to look at those.” Jennie says from the driver’s seat, eyes still on the road. “They just give you wrinkles, remember?”

 

“Jennie, I’m 27. I doubt I’m going to get wrinkles any time soon.”

 

“Yes, I get your vampire genes, but looking at those is still bad for you. We don’t want a rerun of last year’s events, do we?” Jennie lets out a short laugh.

 

“I still don’t remember what happened last year.” Jisoo pouts. “What’s so funny about that night, anyway? You always laugh whenever you bring it up. I get it, I’m a stupid drunk.”

 

“You last year was just really a night of bad ideas, decisions and actions and I’m glad you don’t hate your job now and didn’t drink ten liters of vodka. I’m still surprised how you didn’t get food poisoning.”

 

“You’re not telling me something from that night and one day I’ll get it out of you.”

 

“You wish.”

 

“Don’t think we’re okay, Jennie. I’m still mad at you.”

 

“Oh come on, for what?”

 

“I don’t know... stuff.”

 

“Well can you tell me more about this _stuff_?”

 

“It’s going to take a lot of groveling for you to get a cheese soufflé out of me, Jennie.”

 

“I’m sure it’ll take witchcraft to get a soufflé out of anybody.”

 

“Ha-ha.”

 

“It was funny.”

 

“I forgot that Jennie Kim came with the package of being a smartass.”

 

Jennie’s smiling. Jisoo is too. It’s been a long 4 weeks for both, adjusting in a life without the other. “For what it’s worth, Jisoo, I’m really happy to be back.”

 

“I’m really happy you’re back too.”

 

*

 

“So what’s on the itinerary?” Jennie asks as she serves Jisoo a stack of pancakes and her morning coffee.

 

“The Sound Of Music and Mary Poppins?” Jisoo suggests and the other girl huffs. “The movies aren’t that bad.”

 

“I’m not saying they are! I’m an artist and I more than give respect to Julie Andrews. I worship her. But I’ve had a thought.”

 

“What’s the thought?” Jisoo asks, taking a mouthful of the pancake.

 

“Me. You. Jeju Island for a day.” Jennie offers, showing her phone where an email of a confirmed reservation on a hotel is displayed. “I already booked the tickets and the hotel.”

 

Jisoo looks at her questioningly. “Did you ever think about the possibility of me saying no? Jennie. No. I don’t want to go to Jeju Island.”

 

“I did think about it. That’s why I can cancel anytime I want to.”

 

“What about the money?”

 

“Money— Jisoo I have been touring in 9 arenas already. It’s the least of my problems.”

 

“Okay- look. I don’t get why you’re so adamant on getting out of the house. I’m fine with just ice cream and movies.” Jisoo says, voice softening. “You don’t have to feel like you have to make it up to me or feel like you owe me something. Whenever I say something about you leaving you know I’m only joking. It’s what you love to do. You get to travel the world and meet the people who adore you. I want you to enjoy it and not feel guilty because your best friend misses you, okay?”

 

Jennie sighs, finally, and sits down on the stool beside her. She takes a bite of Jisoo’s pancakes. “I know.”

 

“But?” The other girl pushes.

 

“Probable world tour. Next year.”

 

“Oh.” Jisoo tries to hide the disappointment in her voice, which she obviously fails at because Jennie takes her hand and interlocks it with her.

 

“It’s going to be a long tour. Eight months, at most. And I know I’ll probably promise you a call every day and texts and pictures but I’m aware I’ll inevitably break it. I’ll miss you. A lot. I’m just trying to...”

 

“Make up for what hasn’t happened yet.” Jisoo fills in for her. “You don’t have to, Jennie. I told you.”

 

“I know.”

 

“If you really do, then you’ll know I’ll be here for you after a year. After two. After three. I’m your-“ Jisoo swallows the lump in her throat. “I’m your best friend. It’s going to take a lot more than distance to keep me away from you.”

 

“I hate you.” There’s a tear visibly dropping down Jennie’s cheek and she doesn’t even wipe it.

 

“Why?”

 

“I don’t know! I thought you’d yell or tell me to not go or convince me not to. Because I would. Not go. If you told me to.”

 

“Do you want me to?”

 

“Yes.”

 

There’s a silence, then. Maybe a whole minute. An hour. Jisoo isn’t sure how much time has passed but the steam coming off of her coffee mug isn’t there anymore and it seems that the morning mood has worn off. She wants to ask a million questions and she wants a million answers from Jennie, but of all of the questions she wants to ask most is why.

 

Why does Jennie want her to say no?

 

“It’s been so hard without you, Jisoo. And I know it’s pathetic and I’m old enough to be by myself and I can be by myself but I need you by my side. I need you and the jazz songs and the stupid things you tell me about who sang them. I need you by my side even if you just need me to drive you to get chicken wings. And I can’t be here if I’m... on tour.” There’s a steady stream of tears but Jennie’s not losing her composure. She’s still elegant as she can be wearing Jisoo’s oversized band shirt from college. She’s crying but her voice is unwavering and firm. “I want to do the world tour. But I don’t want to be apart from you for so long.”

 

There hasn’t been this much drama between them since college when Jisoo basically went down on her knees just to convince her to finish the last semester and graduate with her. And how that ended badly.

 

Jisoo doesn’t want to say anything. She doesn’t even know what to say — where does she even begin?

 

“Well... just know that whatever you’re going to choose for yourself, I’ll be here. For you.” Jennie sniffs and Jisoo extends her hand, wiping off the visible tears off her best friend’s cheek. Like she’s always done. “Now would you let me put on Mary Poppins?”

 

There’s the quintessential eyeroll from Jennie, of course, before a small smile slips and she says a soft okay.

 

Breakfast is something they don’t do often, what with their conflicting schedules, but when they do have it it’s serene, peaceful and filled with nothing but bad jokes from both sides. It’s almost therapeutic for Jisoo — how Jennie can make her the best breakfast she’s ever had and how she can take Jisoo off of whatever misery or 300-page script she’s in. And now, it’s off of Jennie’s world tour.

 

Jennie says it isn’t for another year anyway, just right after she releases a new album. A new album meaning press releases and interviews and less time to spend with her right before she’s whisked by a company jet to places she’s never been and arenas she’s never sang in.

 

They watch the movie like nothing’s happened. Jennie gives offhand comments about the tacky clothing in the film and Jisoo reminds her every five minutes that it was shot in the 60s. Which gives Jennie more reason to give more comments about how corny they are watching a musical decades older than they are.

 

But Jisoo knows Jennie. And she knows she secretly likes it: the musicals, the jazz songs, the cheap beer. And the occasional dive bar debacles. Sometimes Jisoo hears her humming Do-Re-Mi.

 

*

 

So it turns out that living with Jennie Kim for four days straight — not one of them having a schedule, an errand to run or a shoot to go to — is nice. It’s been a refreshing change and it makes Jisoo scrap her Pros and Cons list to the trash because every minute she spends with the other girl she finds herself putting more and more items to the Cons list like “Not having anybody to put the popcorn in the microwave.”

 

On her first day back, after the bomb Jennie dropped, she and Jisoo practically just holed up in their apartment and watched every movie in their netflix queue like nothing happened. It’s great and they end up eating their whole stash of chips with so much regret coming from Jennie saying “it would take me 6 gym sessions to burn all this off.” And Jisoo would do 6 gym sessions to burn all of the junk food too but she’s not up for a serious project for at least another two months. 

 

On their second day, Jennie wakes Jisoo up at 6 AM with a smirk on her face, much to Jisoo’s confusion of course. They end up having a 2-hour trip to the amusement park which apparently Jennie hired before it opened for business hours (how, Jisoo doesn’t know, but Jennie ends up telling her she’s friends with the manager). Amusement parks are great and fun but it turns out they get so much better when there’s no line to the rides. Jennie ends up hating the rides, however, because the minute they step out of the roller coaster she ends up hurling on the nearest trash can. Jisoo holds her hair back in the process. She takes ten million pictures of her and Jennie and they end up getting in the photobooth with three shots of her kissing Jennie on the cheek. It’s sweet and they look pretty in the shot, so she puts it on her wallet and swears she won’t ever take it off. At 9:30, however, it’s off they go because people are piling up and it’s not really in their interest to do an impromptu meet and greet.

 

Jennie takes her to brunch on a french restaurant, then dinner on the same place, but not after taking Jisoo to a trip on museums and parks. They do end up taking longer because of the often interruption from people wanting pictures from them, but the day hasn’t been anything short of perfect.

 

Three days in and Jennie’s time with Jisoo gets shorter and shorter. They spend it at home baking macarons and end up giving most of them to their neighbors.

 

Jennie goes back to Bangkok tomorrow afternoon.

 

Her break is short-lived and Jisoo can’t help but feel like maybe she should have accepted the Jeju Island trip, but it’s not the time for regret, no it isn’t when Jennie’s cooking Jisoo dinner.

 

“I don’t understand why you’re making dinner. I’m the one with better culinary skills.” Jisoo complains and fiddles with a fork. “And I’m pretty sure these candles are a fire hazard.”

 

Jennie scoffs and takes something out of the oven. “You’re only better because you take those classes every week.”

 

“Exactly.” Jisoo agrees. “But you still have to explain why you’re making me dinner. Or at least trying to.”

 

“I’m just trying to do something for you, okay?” The other girl explains and wipes her hand on a towel before flipping something in a pan. “Now please shut up and enjoy the free meal.”

 

Jisoo smiles in amusement and looks around. There’s a couple of candles scattered all over the kitchen area and set on the dining table that Jennie’s filling with more and more plates of food. It’s sweet and the betraying part of Jisoo’s brain can’t help but think that it’s romantic. That it’s a date. It looks and feels like one.

 

What else is Jisoo supposed to think of it all?

 

There’s scented candles and jazz music (to her choice, of course) and Jennie’s trying her best to do a home cooked meal.

 

She hates not knowing what she’s supposed to call it. So she takes out her phone and texts one of her closest friends.

 

KIM JISOO, 19.46: HELP

 

PARK CHAEYOUNG, 19.47: What for?

 

KIM JISOO, 19.48: WHAT IS THIS *photo attachment*

 

PARK CHAEYOUNG, 19.49: Omg that’s so pretty!!

 

PARK CHAEYOUNG, 19.49: Is that Jennie?

 

PARK CHAEYOUNG, 19.50: Are you on a date?

 

KIM JISOO, 19.50: I don’t know if it is but she’s being so sweet and she’s making me dinner

 

KIM JISOO, 19.51: Help me I’m losing my mind

 

PARK CHAEYOUNG, 19.51: Ok tell me what’s happening

 

KIM JISOO, 19.52: She’s making me dinner and there’s a table and candles and romantic music

 

PARK CHAEYOUNG, 19.52: Omg that’s definitely a date!! Finally!

 

KIM JISOO, 19.53: Finally???

 

PARK CHAEYOUNG, 19.53: Stop texting me and pay attention to your girlfriend who’s making you dinner ;) Call me and tell me what happens.

 

Jisoo ignores the text message then, not knowing what to feel about the use of the world girlfriend and what it means for her and for them. She sighs. She tried to fight it— she’s trying to fight it. The feelings or whatever it is she has for Jennie. She tried distracting herself with countless costar and even her cooking class adviser. But all of her efforts are always deemed useless the minute she hears of a rumor that Jennie’s dating and her heart breaks into a million pieces. And when Jennie is dating and she introduces the lucky man to Jisoo and those million pieces break into a million more.

 

They’re best friends. Jisoo’s content with that title, but every time she stares at Jennie and her smile she finds herself wanting more.

 

It’s a thought for another day.

 

Jennie’s finished making her a meal and it’s best if her mind is not preoccupied.

 

“It’s ready, come on.” Jennie grabs both of Jisoo’s hand and leads her toward the dining table. Their food is served with wine and there are flowers on the corner. It’s perfect.

 

The night ends with both of them washing the dishes and cleaning up after everything.

 

“I’m going to miss you.” Jisoo says, wrapping her arms around Jennie’s waist who’s currently washing the dishes. She rests her head on Jennie’s shoulder. “I can’t believe you’re leaving so soon. And I won’t be seeing you for another month. I hate this.”

 

Jennie chuckles and stops rinsing the plates. She wipes her hand on a towel and turns around, facing Jisoo. Jisoo’s arms aren’t wrapping her in an embrace anymore but she’s still between her arms, basically pinned on the kitchen sink. She pokes at Jisoo’s nose which earns a groan of disapproval.

 

“But look at how quick time passed. I’ll be back in no time. You won’t even notice I’m gone.”

 

Jisoo looks down. “That’s when I had a busy schedule. Now there’s nothing to distract me.”

 

“You can always distract yourself by helping me finish these?” Jennie turns around and faces the dishes once again. The other girl steps away and shakes her head. “Fine. Pick a movie then. No more musicals.”

 

“No promises.”

 

*

 

Jisoo doesn’t accompany Jennie to the airport. Jisoo told her she didn’t want to say good bye. As upset Jennie looked, she still hugged the other girl and gave her one last longing look before going out the door.

 

“Bye, Jisoo. I love you.” Jennie smiles sadly before waving an awkward goodbye. Jisoo waves back and the door closes.

 

“Love you too. So much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for taking so long! i had an issue with my right wrist cause i slipped on ice and sort of landed on my arm (clumsiness) and couldn’t type on my laptop properly. the final chapter is ready and will be up anytime on 2019’s first week. i love and read all of your comments and i appreciate them. i wish everyone a happy new year!!


	4. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay. first off: i’m so sorry for the delayed update! i had the last chapter written right after i wrote the chapter before BUT it just felt uninspired and rushed so i left it stagnant for days before deleting it because it really was… shit. so now here i am with a new and improved ending which i think is a million times better than what i had wrote. i love reading all of your comments and i appreciate each kudos. thank you & i hope we have a grand 20biteen <3

News of Jennie dating-slash-having-a-fling with a Vietnamese actor during her last two weeks of touring makes it to the tacky tabloid prints and headlines on online news platforms within a blink of an eye. Sources report that just right after Jennie finishes her Vietnam leg, the actor follows discreetly and rides coach on a plane in a disguise to try to blend in. The trick has worked in two countries so far— him buying cheap tickets and wearing equally-as-cheap clothes he buys at airport stores. That’s until he makes it to Indonesia, where he’s caught getting into Jennie’s suite.

 

It’s a scandal at its finest: Jennie Kim Enchants Man into Following Her through the Continent.

 

Of course, in normal circumstances, Jisoo would give her friend unwavering support for her recent romantic conquests (or at least indefinitely until she finds something _off_ about said romantic conquest), but it just so happens that the two aren’t exactly on speaking terms, so Jisoo doesn’t know what to even _feel_ about the situation.

 

Right after Jennie’s left for the second time, it’s almost like all forms of communication between them have been cut and there’s no more interaction between them apart from the short, direct and almost awkward messages. No calls. No photos. It’s hell and Jisoo wants to reach out to the other girl, almost wanting to wave a white flag, but her pride always gets the better of her so her thumb ends up betraying her and deleting an essay-long text message saying “I’m sorry.”

 

So she distracts herself. And Lisa Manoban just so happens to be around the corner, only lacking a sign on her forehead with glowing text saying ‘intervention’ in bright red.

 

“Jennie Kim and Adam Tran caught in a heated liplock outside—“

 

“Lisa, I love you but can you please stop reading that before I flip this table?” Jisoo asks, smiling up at the other girl who’s currently reading an online article about Jennie on her phone. Lisa stops, fina-fucking-ly, and Jisoo lets out a tired sigh. “Thank you.”

 

“Violent.” Lisa raises an eyebrow. "Fine. But can you help me sort this out in my brain because I’m a little bit confused. You spend most of your adult life pining after Jennie—”

 

"I do _not_ pine.”

She rolls her eyes. "As I was saying, you spend most of your adult life pining after Jennie, and you guys _kiss_ and you pretend like none of it happened the morning after despite the fact that she literally wanted it to happen. And now that she’s got a real boyfriend you’re acting like she owes you an explanation with an apology in-hand?“

 

"None of that is correct," Jisoo says with a scowl at her comforter. Lisa thrusts a glass of bourbon on the rocks into her hands.

 

"Uh-huh," She says, sitting down besideher on her couch. “Sure.”

 

“She didn’t want the kiss to happen.”

 

“Of course she didn’t.”

 

“She was probably drunk as well.”

 

“You told me she had like two glasses of vodka diet coke. Invalid.”

 

“She’s had five boyfriends since that kiss. Adam probably isn’t any different.”

 

"But who's counting, huh?”

 

Jisoo’s scowl intensifies. "Will you shut up?”

 

"Are you telling me Jennie has gone on dates with someone who literally followed her to two countries for a non-different relationship?”

 

“I’m sure she’s getting bored of him already," Jisoo replies. It's a lie, and she knows Lisa will be able to tell as soon as it's left her mouth.

 

"Yeah," she says wryly, dragging the word out enough to sufficiently convey her disbelief. “Jennie Kim’s really the kind of girl who leads on men who constantly do grand romantic gestures, I'm sure.”

 

"Look, you've met Jennie, like, four times, so I don't know why you think you're suddenly qualified to judge.”

 

"Okay," Lisa says, lifting up the hand that isn't holding her own glass of selected alcoholic beverage as a gesture of surrender. "You may be right. I just don't see what you’re fighting for here. You like Jennie. Jennie obviously likes you, but she’s dating someone else now to probably try to forget about you and it’s already working. And now you’re here complaining about their relationship when it’s clearly your tendency to run away from situations that can be a changing point for you both that’s detrimented your chances at being with her.”

 

“She’s just being Jennie. This guy is a phase,” Jisoo says emphatically for what feels like the billionth time tonight.

 

“It sounds more like you convincing yourself than you convincing me,” she points out.

 

She lets out a noise of frustration. "Okay, fine! What do you want, Lisa? To continue debating the semantics of Jennie’s relationship with Adam until dawn? Because that doesn't sound like an ideal way to spend one's time."

 

Lisa smiles calmly, taking a sip of her hot chocolate. "I want you to tell me why you pretended like you didn’t remember the kiss.”

 

“Because it clearly meant nothing to her.”

 

“What makes you say that?”

 

“Because if it did matter to her she would actually have had the guts to tell me what happened. And she didn’t.”

 

“Did it ever occur to you that maybe she was scared?” Lisa asks curiously and takes a sip of her glass filled with what looks like whiskey. “Or, like, I don’t know, had doubts about telling you like an actual human being?”

 

Jisoo stays quiet.

 

“The kiss meant something to her, unnie. I haven’t talked to Jennie enough to write you a ten-page proof into why she loves you, but from what you’ve told me, I’m sure she does.”

 

“I was scared, okay!” Jisoo snaps, her grip on the glass too forceful that the whites of her knuckles show. “I was scared that if I tell her everything, that if I tell her that I remember each and every detail of that night that she’ll try to brush it off as something girl friends do, not girlfriends, and that it’s just a drunken _friend_ thing to do. I was scared to face possible rejection.”

 

“Jennie Kim wouldn’t have rejected you at the time.” She tells her softly and sets down her now empty drink on the coffee table in front of them.

 

“How can you tell?”

"Anyone with a pair of working eyes can," Lisa says, rolling her eyes once again. "So, now that we’ve got that first part covered, tell me about last last week. Why you didn’t bring her to the airport.”

 

Jisoo sighs. “I knew I shouldn’t have _literally_ told you everything.”

 

“Yes but what a bad friend I’d be if I didn’t bug you about every single tiny detail in your messy relationship.”

 

“I _so_ regret encouraging you on getting that one psychology class.”

 

“Stop stalling, start talking.” Lisa says sternly and refills her glass with the whiskey bottle she’d set down on the floor.

 

“Apart from the fact that she sprung the whole ‘I’m-going-to-leave-you-for-about-a-year’ thing on me all of a sudden I really was just trying to condition myself to have a life without her—“

 

“Do you ever feel like this conversation is literally going on circles?” She interrupts exasperatedly, then sighs. “You know you can just tell her that it bothers you, right? That you don’t want her leaving for a long time because you’re scared you’ll grow apart—“

 

“I’m not scared of that.”

 

“Then what are you scared of?”

 

“Boys like Adam.”

 

There’s a pause before Lisa nods understandingly and looks at her wristwatch randomly. “It only took me fourty-five minutes to get that out of your system. That must be a record.”

 

“Do you want an award for it?” Jisoo asks monotonously, clearly unamused by the whole situation.

 

“There’s this thing you can do so Jennie stops dating other guys… I think it’s called, wait— hold on, _honesty_. Yeah. That’s the term.”

 

“You annoy me.”

 

Lisa shrugs. “You can be honest to Jennie, you know? Like. Really. Just tell her you don’t want her dating anybody else, because you’re there and you love her.”

Jisoo swallows the lump in her throat before clearing her throat. Suddenly, Lisa’s fireplace that’s glowing right by the corner seems so interesting that she can’t take her gaze off of it. Almost too convenient that she can get away from the scrutinizing stare of her friend. “I can’t.”

 

“You can’t or you dont want to?”

 

Jisoo looks up this time, meeting with Lisa’s eyes. “I’m scared of losing her, Lisa.”

 

“You won’t lose her.”

 

“Listen.” Jisoo’s voice hardens. “There’s no way we can have a happy ending. We’re _celebrities_. In a messed up society where we can’t be together in public. Even if she does actually like me back, what happens after that? After the fairytale? We go back to being hidden and I don’t know if I can _take_ that, Lisa. If we break up, I lose Jennie. Forever. And that’s not a risk I’m willing to take.”

 

“You’re willing to give her up, though?” Lisa asks. “To pretty boys like Adam who will whisk Jennie off her feet?”

 

“Yes.” Her voice is barely above a whisper.

 

The other girl nods and Jisoo feels a little better — a lot better, and she hates that Lisa is right about how talking about her feelings is going to make her feel less… horrible about the situation. She thinks back to Jennie, and how she’s a sucker for grand romantic gestures and forbidden romance and for tall boys that can speak French (Jisoo googled Adam Tran minutes after the news came out, and he has a god damn self-directed short film in French) and how she deserves a guy that will make her feel like royalty by the end of the day. Maybe Adam does that for her. Maybe he makes her feel like a princess after a hard day’s work of dancing around in tight outfits and sky-high heels and singing without a hitch with hard choreography.

 

“If you’re sure.”

 

“I’m sure.” She declares with finality.

 

“Do you want me to turn on a tacky musical? It’s the best I can do for you right now.”

 

Jisoo smiles. “Grease. And maybe another bottle.”

 

*

 

Two days after Jisoo’s heartfelt (and embarassing) talk with Lisa, she texts Jennie.

 

12.07, KIM JISOO: I’m not yet ready to apologize because I’m not sure what for yet, but please call me later and tell me all about the boy. I miss you.

 

The regret comes minutes later, when Jennie doesn’t respond, but the text under her message bubble says that it’s been read by Jennie, and Jisoo feels like crawling into a hole. There are things she’s good at, like not forgetting to drink 2 liters of water a day, or cooking (or so she’s been told), or maybe even the occasional award tells her that she’s good at acting, and there are things she isn’t good at. She isn’t good with the feeling of rejection. She doesn’t know what to do with it, and frankly, she’s never even _felt_ this way before, because since her first five successful auditions she’s never had to be rejected, because she was the one doing all the rejecting. And now here she is, anxious with sweaty palms, waiting for a message.

 

But it doesn’t come.

 

She doesn’t know if she should be thankful or not.

 

The timing of her vacation really could not be more unfortunate, because now there’s nothing left for her to do and she’s sitting on her couch like a loser. So she gets up and makes a souffle. It doesn’t rise as high as she wanted it to, and maybe she overworked the batter, or put too _much_ , but it doesn’t matter anyway because she’s throwing the whole souffle — container and all — into the trash bin and she tries to ignore the crashing sound it makes.

 

“What did that poor plate ever do to you?” A sound comes in from behind her and she jumps, just slightly, and rolls her eyes the second she recognizes that it’s Lisa.

 

“It’s not a plate.” She clarifies, because there’s nothing more important that differentiating the plate to the container.

 

“Right.” Lisa says slowly. “Any progress?”

 

“None.” Jisoo sighs. Lisa looks at her emphathetically for a brief moment before they get interrupted by a beep and a short vibration sound coming from Jisoo’s phone sitting on the kitchen counter.

 

13.46, JENNIE KIM: Sorry for the late response. Was busy rehearsing. I’ll call you tonight. I miss you too.

 

“Was that her?’ She asks.

 

“No.” She shakes her head. “Just my manager. What do you need?”

 

“Well-“

 

“I want you to come to my show.” Another voice cuts in from somewhere across the room, and the owner of the voice is finally shown as she strides into the kitchen. Jisoo raises an eyebrow.

 

“I really should reconsider changing my security passcode.” She says under her breath.

 

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I need a plus-one to Rosie’s new art show at the gallery tonight and since she’s already here to talk to you…”

 

Jisoo can use a distraction. From Jennie and whatever the hell her thing is with her. If she calls, she calls, and it’s only a matter of fate if Jisoo notices it and picks up. She sets her phone on mute and shrugs. “Okay.”

 

*

 

It turns out being outside of the house can get refreshing. Even if she’s attending an event filled with other snobby elitist rich people, she finds it nice that she’s finally talking to new people and finding new faces. Rosie’s art show is a hit, featuring the numerous paintings she’s made and amassed over the years. It’s a divergent path from her movie scoring career, and maybe that’s why it ends up a huge success, and why all her paintings get sold by the end of the night.

 

Jisoo ends up buying one not because she wants to do Rosie a favor — the girl really does not need one — but because the certain painting really caught her attention. It’s a painting of a girl chasing a kite. Jisoo doesn’t look for deeper meanings. She buys the painting because it’s pretty and pink and matches her bedroom’s color scheme.

 

Rosie holds a success after-party in her own apartment where Jisoo can spot people she recognizes from the show business, like Hanbin and Jinhwan who both work alongside Rosie. Lisa’s beside her the whole time introducing Jisoo to people she doesn’t know, because apparently Lisa and Rosie have more mutual friends than she actually thought.

 

The party is nice and _fun._ It’s fun. Like a spitting image of a clip from an american coming-of-age movie. A few feet away from where she and Lisa are standing are drunk guys and girls engaging in a rather entusiastic round of beer pong, with the quintessential red plastic cups. Jisoo stares incredulously at them.

 

“Does Rosie forget she’s… I don’t know, 25?” She raises an eyebrow when the boys playing beerpong brofist each other when they win a round.

 

“No, her _guests_ forget that they’re 25. I was with her when we set up the apartment. We only had champagne bottles ordered and maybe 4 bottles of vodka for ourselves.” Lisa shrugs. “I don’t know how they got their hands on Rosie’s ridiculously expensive pong balls, but it just shows how much these people need escape, huh?”

 

“Because cheap beer really give you the time of your life?”

 

“Unnie, drink. You’re more fun intoxicated.” Lisa shoves a can of beer into her hand. She grabs the unopened can and fishes her phone out of her pocket just to check the time, but the timing is almost impeccable and right before she puts her phone back, Jennie’s name flashes across the screen.

 

_God damn, fate._

 

“I’ll be back.” She says absentmindedly before finding the nearest vacant room away from the thumping music outside. She answers her phone.

 

“Hey, stranger.” Jennie’s voice is soft and almost new. Jisoo hasn’t heard from her in weeks.

 

“Hi.” Jisoo lets out, hoping her voice doesn’t sound as strained as she thinks she heard it.

 

“Where are you? It sounds like a club.”

 

“Oh, I’m at Rosie’s after party.”

 

“For her art show gallery, right? She emailed me an invitation as a formality and texted me about it.”

 

“Ah.”

 

This really shouldn’t be as uncomfortable as it is. They’re friends. Old friends. They’ve known each other for _years_ and have talked for hours and hours about nothing but in this moment, Jisoo can’t scramble words in her head to form a coherent sentence to make small talk. A stretch of silence.

 

“That was awkard.” Jennie comments frankly with a hint of amusement in her voice, and Jisoo feels it’s customary to chuckle so she does. “I’m sorry.”

 

“I’m sorry too.”

 

“No, let me go first.”

 

“Okay.” Jisoo nods despite the fact that Jennie can’t see her.

 

“I shouldn’t have felt so bitter about you not coming with me to the airport. That was incredibly childish and rude and so… _fourth-grade_ of me. I understand. Why you didn’t want to go. I wouldn’t too, if I were in your position. And I’m sorry I didn’t call for two weeks.”

 

“Calls go two ways, Jennie. It’s not like I’ve gone out of my way to call you.” Jisoo purses her lips. “I’m at fault too. I should have called, but you know me and my stupid pride.”

 

Jennie laughs and it’s a symphony to Jisoo’s ears. “I do.”

 

“Your news just… scared me, that’s all. I didn’t want to be so used to having you around again because you’re leaving. Soon.”

 

“So you decide to push me away?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Kim Jisoo, you’re smart, but not _that_ smart. How have you not figured it out yet?”

 

“Figured out what?”

“You’ll never get rid of me. Whatever happens.” The words make her feel warm inside and makes her forget the chaos in the living room. Until another voice, male, cuts in with a ‘Babe, you coming?’ from Jennie’s line, and the warmth turns into ice cold dread. She wants to throw her phone outside the window.

 

“That’s my cue.” Jennie announces. “I know I said we’ll talk about him tonight but we’re on our way to dinner. Rain check?”

 

“Sure. Have fun, Jennie.”

 

“I miss you, Jisoo.”

 

“I miss you too.”

 

She returns to the party, goes to the kitchen where she finds Lisa with what looks like a line of tequila shots. She makes a beeline towards the counter where the shots are and downs four of them. When she looks up, Lisa looks at her impressed.

 

“Just a disclaimer that I’m not going to tend to your drunk ass and babysit you by the end of the night.” She comments, eyes wide.

 

“Wasn’t asking you to.”

 

“Just so we’re clear, that wasn’t water.”

 

“I know. Get me drunk.”

 

It’s an easy enough task that by the end of the hour Jisoo finds herself engaged in a round of suck and blow, which is so… _college_ and tacky, but she’s drunk enough to find it enjoyable and she ends up kissing one of the guys in the party when she fails to keep the card stuck to her lips and the cheers and clapsfrom the people around them only fuel the kiss more. When they part, all Jisoo can think of is Jennie, and how they’d drunkenly kissed last year, and how all she wants to do is kiss _her_ and only her.

 

She drinks two more shots.

 

*

 

Lisa leaves for New York too soon, sooner than Jisoo likes, and before she knows it she’s once again alone in her apartment. Only a week is left before Jennie comes back home, but instead of feeling excited, Jisoo feels anxious and… _weird_ about having to see her again. Not that she doesn’t want to see her — it’s the first thing she wants right now — but she doesn’t want to deal with the currently bubbling feelings for the other girl. It’s ridiculous, because Jisoo has managed to keep her little crush in for a year (since the kiss incident) but now, _now_ , of all times, she can’t get her act straight. No pun intended.

 

Jennie calls frequently now, almost every night save for when she has a show or a really long practice and she’s way too tired to even click on Jisoo’s contact to talk to her. Jisoo almost hates the calls. Actually, scratch that— she _loathes_ the calls.

 

They have banter and funny conversations but the topics always revolve around Adam Tran and how fucking _perfect he is, Jisoo, I really would love for you to meet him_. Adam this, Adam that.

 

It infuriates Jisoo to no end and she thanks her acting experience because her voice impressively does not falter in the slightest, nor does give any indication that she’s getting irritated from the frequent boy talk. In fact, she fakes being happy for her best friend _too_ well that she insists she invite him over for a dinner in their apartment, and Jisoo would cook for them. The thought of cooking for them is nauseating and Jisoo really doesn’t know what came over her when the words spilled out of her lips, but the deed isalready done when Jennie gives her a cheery affirmative response to the suggestion.

 

Over the week leading Jennie’s return, she volunteers for random show business work around studios, without her agent’s supervision, and accepts radio jobs and MC jobs for the week without fee. She’s bored out of her mind and maybe getting in touch with her job will somewhat make her busy enough to take her mind off of certain things.

 

Things like Jennie, and her boyfriend from heaven, and the staggering papparazzi photo of them hand-in-hand in a remote private resort somewhere in the Philippines.

 

Frustration claws at her skin and she takes her coffee plain black in each morning.

 

It works — the volunteering — at taking her mind off of Jennie. It works enough that she doesn’t even realize it’s already Sunday, and Jennie is already probably in the company’s private jet on her way to Incheon airport. And true to her predictions, she receives an email from Jennie telling her the gate she’s going to get out from and to be at the airport waiting for her in three hours.

 

Jisoo does what she can do in that time frame and bakes Jennie’s favorite matcha flavored macarons.

 

With an hour and a half to spare, she drives to the airport (almost hitting a streetlight, because there are many things Kim Jisoo is, but being a good and safe driver is not one of them) in a big enough hoodie to hide her face, and sunglasses to match despite the fact that it’s cloudy and there’s really no reason to be wearing them.

 

She waits at the gate Jennie told her to stay at, focused on her phone before her eyes get completely covered by a hand. She knows Jennie enough to know that it’s hers, so she grabs the girl’s forearms and takes the hand off of her face and squeals as she hugs her. Jennie giggles in response, burrying her face in Jisoo’s neck.

 

Jennie feels warm and soft. Her coat feels soft and so does her hair. Jisoo missed her.

 

“I missed you so much.” Jisoo whispers, feeling moisture prick at her eyes, so she blinks and hopes that they stay there.

 

“I missed you too.” Jennie mumbles against her skin. Jennie’s warmth is calming and feels very much like home.

 

Soon enough, So interrupts them both with a tap, and then Jisoo realizes that there are papparazzis and fansites just outside of the glass, taking pictures of them, as evidenced by the flashing lights.

 

It makes Jennie groan and Jisoo knows she’s absolutely annoyed.

 

“Hey, So, would you mind if I ride with Jisoo?” Jennie asks.

 

So pauses before looking at Jisoo for a moment, then nods, prolonging the action. “Okay. But head home immediately, okay? And don’t go through the main lobby of the complex. The attendant told me that it’s swarmed by reporters. Go through the parking lot.”

 

“Okay.” Jisoo says in affirmation before grabbing Jennie’s hand as they head off to her car. They’re surrounded by Jennie’s security detail until they reach the car which is _definitely_ a huge convenience. Jisoo heads towards the driver’s side before Jennie clears her throat with a raised eyebrow.

 

“What?” Jisoo asks.

 

“I still don’t trust you around cars.”

 

Jisoo rolls her eyes then proceeds to give Jennie the keys before heading to the other side of the car.

 

The drive back to their apartment is peaceful and filled with Jennie filling in Jisoo about how epic her final show had been. Jisoo’s heart swells with pride every time Jennie talks about performing and how much she loves and enjoys every second of it. Jisoo realizes Jennie gets off another exit from the freeway instead of the one that leads to their avenue.

 

“Where are we heading?” Jisoo asks, curious. “We had _specific_ instructions from So to go home.”

 

“Since when did you listen to So?”

 

“Since she hand-delivered me a pack of limited edition Pokemon cards.”

 

“I _bought_ them.” Jennie points out. “Why is she getting the credit?”

 

Jisoo shrugs.

 

“We’re going to that chicken wings place. Since I know you couldn’t have gotten them for two months.”

 

“How are you sure that I didn’t get them?

 

“Well, stating the obvious — you can’t drive. _Especially_ not in Gangnam’s heavy traffic. And the place doesn’t deliver, nor does accept orders from Uber or Grabfood. You couldn’t have gotten them.”

 

Jisoo stays silent in response and hooks the car speaker’s bluetooth on her phone where she plays Peggy Lee: Greatest Hits. Jennie rolls her eyes but hums along anyway, and Jisoo pretends not to hear it.

 

*

 

Falling into the same pattern with Jennie is easy. Both of them are on vacation, hence both of them sleeping until not earlier then 9 in the morning. Jisoo serves pretty much as Jennie’s alarm clock, with her waking Jennie up so she can make her the coffee she’s missed so much during vacation. (Not to Jennie’s favor, of course, but she literally cannot say no to Jisoo.)

 

Jisoo makes them brunch and dinner. Jennie washes the dishes and Jisoo dries them off. They take turns picking a movie to watch. Go to the cinema when one of them wants to watch a movie they just watched a trailer of. Red wine for Jisoo and white for Jennie at 9 PM. The occassional grocery run. When Jisoo’s too lazy to cook, they order in.

 

It’s _normal_ but it feels new— everything does, like when Jennie grabs her hand when she excitedly sees something she wants to order online because of a product she sees on an infomercial channel. Jennie always dials the number on her phone but Jisoo always talks her out of it, because it’s stupid, and Jisoo loves the child-like way Jennie pouts when she doesn’t get what she wants.

 

Everything is going well until Adam fucking Tran flies to Seoul (god _damn_ the South Korean embassy for accepting his god damn visa) within a week, and if Jisoo wasn’t pissed before, she definitely is now. Jennie picks him up from the airport for reasons Jisoo doesn’t understand, because the guy can clearly just ride a taxi on his way to their apartment. Not that it requires him much Hangul know-how, he literally has to tell the driver his address. And he can _afford_ it. Surely he has some pocket money in Won.

 

Jisoo politely declines when Jennie tells her to come with them, claiming she’s going to cook them a meal, but Jennie smiles apologetically in response and tells her she plans on taking him to their favorite restaurant because she wants him to taste the best of South Korean cuisine and Jisoo’s urge to punch the guy’s face becomes stronger by the second. She doesn’t let that urge show though, because she gets better at acting and tells Jennie that it’s a great idea.

 

So she sulks around in their apartment and calls Lisa to at least take her mind off of it.

 

“Hi unnie!” Lisa’s cheery tone comes through.

 

“Hey.” Jisoo says.

 

“Why are you calling my number and not just facetime me—you _are_ aware of phone bill charges to other countries, right?”

 

“Yes, I’m aware.” Jisoo replies before sighing. “Just wanted someone to talk to. Jennie brought her boyfriend back home.”

 

The word boyfriend is laced with venom and it’s that tone that makes Lisa chuckle. “Careful, you might rip the guy’s head off.”

 

The statement makes Jisoo stop. “Why?”

 

“Because you’re jealous?” Lisa says in her _duh_ _isn’t it obvious_ voice, and Jisoo feels the need to deny such an absurd imputation, so she scoffs.

 

“I do _not_ get jealous.”

 

“I need to go now because wardrobe is calling for me, but seriously, _unnie_ , try not to sound so jealous the next time you talk about them, okay?”

 

“Lisa, I don’t get jealous. I’ve never felt that emotion—“

 

“Good bye, I miss you!”

 

And just like that, the call ends, and Jisoo feels more defeated than she was five minutes ago. She’s not jealous. She never gets jealous.

 

This claim gets tested just two days after, when both Jennie and her are invited to a soiree by an up-and-coming designer based on Osaka trying to expand to Seoul. They’ve met Mina enough times on fashion week that they accept the invitation and show up in gorgeous dresses. Jisoo’s on the living room waiting for Jennie to finish when the door beeps, so she heads to the door to check on the screen and Adam’s face is shown. He cleans up well, she gives him that, but instead of opening the door she decides to go to the kitchen and ignore him. She pours herself a half a glass of her favorite wine and grabs a straw somewhere from the cabinets so she doesn’t ruin her perfectly applied lipstick.

 

Jennie emerges somewhere from her room and opens the door after it rings once again and Jisoo almost feels the need to scoff when she hears Jennie say “Stop or you’re going to ruin my makeup.” Instead she finishes her wine and puts down the glass somewhere before heading to the living room.

 

“Jisoo, there you are! I don’t believe you’ve met Adam.” Jennie says and tucks her hair behind her ear and Jisoo finds it adorable enough that it quells whatever the hell it is that’s bothering her. “Jisoo, this is Adam. Adam, this is Jisoo.”

 

Adam reaches for a handshake and Jisoo obliges, offering him the warmest smile she can muster. “Nice to meet you.” She says in English, aware that the guy would have no clue if she said something in korean. She almost considers cursing him in her vernacular. Almost considers it. Until he finally speaks and Jisoo can understand the hype and understands why Jennie likes him so much.

 

He’s charismatic, and from the car ride alone, she picks up that he’s nice and easy to talk to despite the language barrier. Smart. Witty. Funny. Jennie laughs at what he says.

 

Jisoo takes it upon herself to leave them alone once they arrive at the party, and she mingles with people she’s familiar with. Old co-stars and people in the business have never been more interesting to her. She engages in a particularly interesting conversation with a guy she doesn’t know about how _boring_ it is to always serve champagne and white wine on gatherings. And despite Jisoo’s preference for reds, she finds herself rolling her eyes at the guy’s opinion.

 

“Were you never given a how-to on how to host a party?” Jisoo asks him, sips lightly at her champagne flute.

 

“No. Why?” The guy looks confused.

 

“Red wine is never served at parties because it’s a nightmare if somebody spills it. That’s why people always serve colorless drinks.” She smiles after her input. The guy looks more confused by the explanation and Jisoo’s about to go in an in-depth discussion about how hard it is to get rid of red wine stains (she’s had enough from her own clumsiness) on couches and on rugs, when somebody grabs her hand and whisks her away. When she turns to yell at whoever grabbed her arm, whatever insult she has readied on the tip of her tongue gets swallowed when she realizes it’s Jennie.

 

Jennie stops dragging her when they get far away, across the room from where the guy is. “You looked like you needed saving?” She comments, grabs a strawberry from the nearby table and drops it onto Jisoo’s glass. It makes a satisfying plop and fizzling sound that the light conversation across the room and the soft music don’t drown.

 

“I was about to have a riveting discussion on red wine stains— nothing needs more saving than that.” She says dryly and looks around. “Where’s your boyfriend?” The words leave her mouth before thinking and she curses herself inwardly and blinks in a prolonged manner.

Jennie doesn’t seem to get the disdain on her voice. Probably from the music. “He’s talking to somebody he's worked before,” She shrugs. “I didn’t even know he knew people from here.”

 

“Never came up in conversation?” Jisoo asks.

 

“Not quite.” A pause, before Jennie smiles. “Isn’t this that Norah Jones song you love?”

 

Jisoo listens to the instrumental from the discreetly hidden speakers and her lips curl into a smile at the realization that Jennie knows what song it is, and who originally performed it. “Well, if I didn’t know you better I’d have told you you’re a jazz junkie.” She teases and Jennie rolls her eyes.

 

“Hardly. If you had to listen to your best friend’s 27 million records every day, you’d have them memorized too.”

 

“Fair enough.” Jisoo chuckles, and stops when Jennie holds her hand out.

 

“Want to dance?” She asks, and Jisoo grabs her hand and nods. Jennie’s hand is soft and warm and also sweaty, something Jisoo wants to comment on but doesn’t because frankly she’s too busy concentrating on the fact that Jennie has never looked so beautiful before. It’s the lighting, of course it is, that makes it look like she has beautiful golden specks on her brown eyes and makes her skin look like it glows.

 

They put their glasses on a nearby table and head off to somewhere with space and dance neither slowly nor quickly. Jisoo laughs when she realizes something.

 

“Is this going to become our tradition?”

 

“If you want it to.”

 

They laugh and dance to at least three more tracks before Adam goes looking for Jennie and they leave together. Jisoo insists that she stays. She’d rather be with strangers than ride a car with them anyway.

 

*

 

Jisoo hates the fact that she cannot find a single thing wrong with Adam. She tries. _Really_ hard. She even goes as far as to googling his exes, but there are no loopholes with him. He literally is Jennie’s perfect dream guy, and she can’t find reasons to hate him.

 

In fact, whether Jisoo likes it or not, she actually _roots_ for the guy. Because Adam Tran has been a grand example of a man and she finds herself actually admitting to herself that she can lose Jennie if it’s to somebody like Adam. He’s nice and opinionated for the right reasons— his ridiculously good looks are a bonus.

 

So Jisoo metaphorically waves a white flag despite the fact that there’s really been no competition at all.

 

And she knows that.

 

*

Jennie breaks up with Adam two weeks later.

 

It’s all of a sudden and Jennie doesn’t even tell Jisoo the reason why they do. Jisoo wouldn’t have even known that they did break up if it weren’t for the headline news of Adam Tran leaving Seoul. And, not like Jisoo’s happy (she definitely is), but it’s _whatever_ because she can't find the time to rejoice nor comfort her best friend. She’s back on her regular schedule of shoots and interviews and sorting screenplay offers into good and bad categories.

 

Jisoo has to give him credit though. He’s lasted longer than Jennie’s boyfriends for the past year. A good month and a quarter. Jisoo makes notes to interrogate Jennie later. But first: shooting.

 

When she gets home she half-expects Jennie to be drinking by herself and half-expects her to be watching her guilty-pleasure movies. And alas, it’s neither of those, because Jennie it seems is nowhere to be found. There’s no note somewhere in the kitchen or in the living room, and she even rechecks her phone just to see if maybe Jennie texted her that she’s going somewhere, but there’s nothing. No texts or emails.

 

She texts Jennie.

 

19.56, KIM JISOO: Where are you? I’m already home.

 

19.57, JENNIE KIM: Getting us some ramen from across the street. I forgot to tell you. Be back in 15.

 

Jisoo breathes in relief and she changes into more comfortable clothes and washes her face off of makeup as she waits for Jennie.

 

Jisoo waits in the living room and sees Jennie come in with a plastic bag, which she assumes carries the ramen containers. Jennie sets down the bag on the coffee table and Jisoo gets down from the couch to cross her legs on the floor. Jennie follows suit.

 

“Hey.” Jisoo greets. “You know I would have cooked us dinner?”

 

Jennie nods as she takes two containers out of the bag. “Yes but it would’ve been too late. I know you’re back on schedule so I thought you’d be tired too.”

 

“Ever the considerate one.” She comments and takes the chopsticks Jennie offers. Jennie is being uncharacteristically quiet as she eats the noodles — normally she’d moan in satisfaction and comment on how _good_ the ramen is from the place across their place and how she’d leave a Yelp review on another account for the fiftieth time. The silence becomes too unbearable so Jisoo addresses the elephant in the room first. “Do you have something to tell me?”

Jennie stops eating and clears her throat. “Like what?”

 

Jisoo raises an eyebrow. “Adam Tran? Does it ring a bell?”

 

“Oh, yeah.”

 

“So?”

 

“We broke up.”

 

This makes Jisoo pause. “And?”

 

“And nothing.” Jennie shrugs innocently before focusing her gaze on the still steaming ramen in front of her and continues to dig in.

 

Jisoo narrows her eyes at her. “Jennie.”

 

“Jisoo.”

 

“Tell me.” Jisoo pushes.

 

“There’s really nothing to tell. I swear.” Her eyebrows are drawn, a clear indication that she’s lying. It’s a mannerism Jennie does that Jisoo finds cute when she lies about not stealing her socks. “Fine,” she signs, then continues, “I got bored of him. He was too… nice.”

 

Jisoo isn’t convinced, but since Jennie’s too intent on lying about it, she at least should enjoy it before she fakes believing in it so Jennie won’t feel uncomfortable anymore. “You broke up with him because he’s too nice.” She repeats, trying to clarify.

 

Jennie nods as she pops a piece of pork toppings into her mouth. “Exactly.”

 

“Okay.”

 

Jisoo ends up taking care of the mess this time, much to Jennie’s protest of _but you’ve had a long day at work!_ She ends up ignoring her anyway. She makes herself some tea and heads to her own balcony holding a cup. The steam from the tea fogs her glasses and makes the lights below her more blurry.

 

Everything is confusing to her.

 

She’s aware of her feelings, and how much she actually likes Jennie and wants to kiss her and hold her hand and do _couple_ y things with her. But she doesn’t want to act on it. Because their friendship is on the line. But now, Jisoo can already feel their relationship crumbling, even _without_ telling her her feelings. Jennie won’t even tell her a basic thing — the reason why she breaks up with another boyfriend, that’s a _basic_ thing. Jennie would tell that to her in a heartbeat, and she has, many times before.

 

Maybe Adam is different and Jennie really had feelings for him. Has.

 

Or maybe Jennie is slipping away from her, and the past few weeks of being back together have been flukes all along. That maybe Jennie’s grown apart from her.

 

After all, Jisoo’s a different person than who she was two months ago. Surely Jennie is too.

 

The thought suffocates her: her meeting Jennie in acquaintance parties and having awkward small talk. Interviews mentioning her friendship with her. _Growing apart_. It's terrifying and she feels pathetic about being so dependent on Jennie, but it’s always been that way and Jisoo’s not a fan of big life changes, particularly when involving Jennie.

 

Jisoo thinks of risks, and of Rosie’s painting of a girl chasing a kite she might never reach. She thinks of holding Jennie’s hand under the moonlight and jazz songs playing on her phone as they dance to it. It’s a thought that she wants to hold onto, a thought that takes her mind off of a world without Jennie.

 

She goes to sleep at 4 am.

 

Jisoo ends up missing her meeting with her agency, as reminded by the 27 missed calls from her manager and 46 text messages from him alone. She curses to herself and lies in bed until she finds the energy to drag herself out of the bedroom.

 

Jennie is gone with nothing but a note on the refrigerator.

 

_Gone shopping. Bulgogi takeout on the fridge just reheat them._

 

So she does.

 

When Jennie gets back, it’s 9 in the evening and Jisoo notes that she’s not carrying any shopping bags. Jennie notices her when she walks into the living room, obviously surprised at Jisoo sitting on the couch still.

 

They have dinner on the dining table.

 

“Are you going to look this forlorn all night? Because I can’t say it’s very attractive.” Jennie comments on Jisoo. Jisoo rolls her eyes and elbows her slightly.

 

“I’m _always_ attractive.”

 

“True.” Jennie points out and Jisoo feels heat creeping up her neck. “But is there a particular reason you look sad, though? You look like a kicked puppy.”

 

“Is that description supposed to make me want to tell you what’s wrong?” She says offhandedly.

 

“Yes.”

 

Jisoo feels all the floodgates open and her inhibitors suddenly malfunction. She sips her wine. “Is there a particular reason why you’ve been avoiding me since you broke up with Adam?”

 

The question makes Jennie evidently freeze and she stumbles on her words for a little bit before giving Jisoo a coherent action. “I haven’t been avoiding you.”

 

Jisoo ignores her. “Look, Jennie — I get it. Breakups are hard. He’s your first serious boyfriend, and you’re upset, but that’s what I’m here for. I’m your best friend. You’re supposed to tell me all about it, cry or invite me for a night out to get drunk and forget about him— not _fucking_ push me away and make bad excuses to try and cover up the fact that you’re avoiding me. At least own up to it instead of lying.”

 

Jennie purses her lips and stays quiet. Jisoo continues, “You told me you went shopping. The Jennie I know would have came back with twenty bags. You had none.” She pauses. “Did I do something wrong?” Her voice breaks somewhere near the end of the sentence and she tries her best to keep her tears at bay.

 

Jennie looks down and shakes her head, breathes, then looks up again. Her cheeks are flushed. “You— God, Jisoo. No, you didn’t. I— I’m the problem here. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”

 

“Then _tell_ me.” Her voice is shaky and she hopes she doesn’t look as devastated as she feels, because this feels like an end. A bad epilogue to whatever the hell this is she has with her. A goodbye. “Please.”

 

“I love you.”

 

And Jisoo’s heard the line from her so many times. Phone calls, texts, on personal when Jisoo cries into her shoulder when she has a problem. But she’s never heard Jennie say it like that before. Jennie sounds hopeless as she says it — it’s barely above a whisper. Jisoo feels all of her nerves shut down because she doesn’t know how to _react_ , much more say a coherent sentence, so her mouth does that for her and says I love you too automatically. Jennie sighs and shakes her head, tears now striking her flushed cheeks.

 

“I love you, Jisoo.” Jennie continues and Jisoo doesn’t make an effort to answer. “Not in the way friends love each other. I _love_ you. I want to be with you. So much it hurts me.” Jennie looks away and blinks and more tears come out. “I used Adam to try and get over you, because for the first time in my life I met a guy who would literally cross oceans for me, a guy who's smart and funny and not arrogant. I met the perfect guy and I thought that if maybe I stayed long enough with him, that I’d fall for him and forget about you. But I _didn’t_ and I realized how wrong it was to use him. I broke up with him and told him I’m in love with someone else. You. I love you.”

 

Jisoo doesn’t speak.

 

“Say something.” Jennie whispers. “Please.”

 

Nothing.

 

And then Jennie runs off, knocking over her glass of red wine all over the white placemat.

 

It takes Jisoo a few minutes before things sink in. _I love you. I want to be with you._ She leaves the stain as it is as she runs out to catch Jennie, not even bothering to get her coat even though it’s freezing outside.

 

She runs out into the street, unsure to where Jennie would head off at this hour, so she asks. She asks pedestrians if they saw a girl in a yellow coat running, that it’s Jennie Kim, but it’s no use because she ends up wasting more time because pedestrians are such huge fans of hers that they hold her off longer than she would have wanted to.

 

She circles around two blocks before she spots Jennie. She’s sitting on the benches by the bus stop, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand. Jisoo wants to do that for her, but she currently can’t feel her hands. She’s freezing from being exposed to the night cold, but she doesn’t care. She sits down beside Jennie which doesn’t go unnoticed by her, evidenced by her now stiff posture.

 

“Why are you here?” Jennie asks. “Look, Jisoo, it’s embarassing enough that I told you my feelings—“

 

“I love you.”

 

“What?”

 

“You heard me.” Jisoo smiles slowly when Jennie looks up at her, and she holds her hand.

 

“You're freezing, stupid. Why’d you go out without a coat! You can get hypothermia—“

 

“I love you.” She repeats. Jennie’s lips don’t curl but the crinkles beside her eyes makes her look more happy then she has in a while. “Can we go back inside? I’m freezing.”

 

Jennie laughs as they both stand up, and she hugs her. Really hugs her. “Body heat.” She explains, mumbling through Jisoo’s thin sweater.

 

They kiss once they get inside the house, languid and soft, like two lovers finally finding peace. Maybe they are. Before things get heated, Jisoo pulls away with a soft chuckle and plays with Jennie’s hair. They’re seated on the couch, with Jennie’s head on Jisoo’s lap.

 

“I remember that night.” Jisoo tells her.

 

“What night?” Jennie furrows her eyebrows.

 

“When we first kissed.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Why didn't you tell me?”

 

Jisoo shrugs. “It was easier not to. Besides, the way I told you I wanted you was embarassing at best. I didn’t want you to think that was how I do grand declarations of love.”

 

“So how do you do grand declarations of love?” She says in a teasing tone.

 

Jisoo shakes her head, smiles then kisses her.


End file.
